cutting to survive

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by lilella44, Jun 3, 2008.

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  1. lilella44

    lilella44 Well-Known Member

    without cutting my day wouldnt be complete. its the part of my day i look forward to. a box of razor blades. i love the blood. scars all over my arms, some scars could say "fuck you", others could say "why...", others "i'm sick of this emptiness and this stupid addiction". depressing music all around me and blackened eyes. cutting is all i know. no one except cutters themselves can understand why we do it. the rest say they understand and know how we feel, but really they have no idea. and i wish they would just admit it. it annoys me when my family and boyfriend tell me to stop and promise i'm not gonna do it again. hello, since when did stopping cutting become so easy? its not something you can just stop. its like an addiction to alcohol. why dont they put themselves in my shoes and see why i do it? words are never going to be enough to describe the pain, anger, frustration and deep despair in my head. the feelings and thoughts cant be put into words. its too hard to understand, even for me sometimes. as "pie jesu (faure requiem)" by the st phillips boys choir plays through the speakers i fight the urge to go and grab that razor and carve it into my wrist. when will those urges disappear...
  2. Oceans

    Oceans Well-Known Member

    Emptiness is known to me too well, the frustrations and it gets too much then the cut. it is true those who haven't don't really understand.
    i hope you receive the help to combat and understand your behaviour.
    I know it can be really hard as i'm trying to deal with the urges as well.
    hang in there
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