Cutting until you die

[Shezamura]

I haven't started yet, and as many of you know, I have went through a rough break up with my girlfriend. It wasn't like the ordinary relationship stuff, It was a committing relationship built on trust, faith, and everlasting happiness. Well, after being broken up with her for over the past 5 months, I have begun to realize that this bull shit that everyone says about "It always gets better" is literally a bunch of Shit... If so, then how long does it take? um... and it's not like I haven't tried to make it better for myself, the result in "trying" just makes it worse and thats fucking stupid. It's not supposed to get worse right? Then why does it get worse? So, my only solution without death I believe is cutting... thats right! yes! and dont take me for a fool who doesnt know the result of cutting and its addictiveness... I know these things. I know I can get addicted to it, and yet I WANT TO DO IT!!! I haven't yet though.... so I'm still kinda "scared" I guess you could say... But I have made a promise to myself that if this shit doesn't get better by April 23, 2009... then I'm swinging the blade. I can't take it anymore, I really can't The whole time we were together, I wouldn't even look at another woman.... I wouldn't conversate with another woman, I wouldn't even look at a victoria's secret commercial... Now that we are split up, all I think about when I see a woman is "Samantha would look pretty in that...." and then BOOM!!!!! the image of her fucking that other guy comes to mind!!! I can't even enjoy pornography!!!! "I remember our fun times in the bed room" BOOM!!!! That guy is enjoying it now!!!!! fuck.... It's just to much to bear people.... I'm a loveing person and I can't take this much emotional stress.... I love her dearly.... more that anything.... but.... so many of you can understand how much it hurts... just seeing the other person happy with another.... pisses me off... he doesn't love her... I've done back ground checks on this pervert..... she just won't listen..... I would rather die than go on seeing her played this way.... either I cut, or I'm going to OD... end of story

 

[gentlelady]

Why did you choose that date? When you set things like that then you feel bound to them even if your thoughts change. I would encourage you not to pick a specific date for things to change because that is like setting yourself up for failure with something you cannot necessarily control. Why not give yourself time to get beyond the breakup of this relationship. In a way it is like a death. It is the death of things as you knew them. You need time to grieve and go through the grieving process. There is no limit as to how long that can take. Some people move through it quickly while others take years. Have you sought outside help in dealing with these issues? It is something to consider if not. Please concentrate on healing instead of using the time and energy on dying. :hug:

 

[jameslyons]

:hug:

Try to give yourself twice the time you were in a relationship to fully get over it. It's tough. Listen to Gentlelady, she's smart.

 

[Shezamura]

April 23 2005 was the day we got together... I gave her all my dreams and put forth all my life, soul, and effort into this relationship. I wanted to be with her forever and that still hasn't changed. I have tried so hard to move on. I stay away from places in which we would run into each other. I have been talking to other people. Shit, I am actually moving away because of this crap.... I choose that date cause I want to try and end it that way.... If even just a possibility that it will take away my pain.... I will try it....

 

[DiscoverPeaceOfMind]

Most people break up for a reason...typically, person A tries to change person B, and vice versa.
Nature builds flaws in us for a reason....what we suppress in our selves as infants, we find in our partners. Later we try to suppress this trait again in our partner.
Paradoxically, what we try to suppress is what we want to regain.
So look at your relationship. What did you try to impose on her, and, what did she try to impose on you?
Therein lies your personal growth area. There was something for you to learn from that relationship. It has served its purpose. Discover what that is and you go some way to Discover Peace of Mind.
Despite what we may think, Nature doesn't omit humans from its laws. Within them is an adventure of a lifetime.