i was so addicted to self harming not too long ago. i was cutting everyday all up my arms and all over my upper thigh, each cut seemed to get deeper and deeper. seeing what was under my skin and just watching the blood pour it gave me this sort of thrill, there was always a little adrenaline missing though, i liked being scared i was close to hitting my artery, i liked seeing my flesh and everything but i never got the long lasting thrill i wanted if that makes sense. each cut was never enough, i wanted more. the pain took my mind off of the things inside my head. it was a temporary relief. i took razor blades wherever i went. i always had one on me just incase. even when i was in hospital i snuck in razors, they definitely gave me relief from being in there. but my razors soon got confiscated when i was in hospital because they saw blood on my pants. so i had to go 3 weeks without cutting and i just sort of stopped after that. i just started smoking a lot more and burnt myself with my lighter whenever i felt the urge, nothing too bad. but the other day i was in the shower and i was just staring at my razor for a while and all the urges came rushing back, it had been 6 weeks since i last cut but i couldn't help myself. ive started cutting again and it's getting out of control again. i know i wont be able to stop for a while and there will be times where i cut but will i ever completely stop?