cutting

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by fvckinginsane, Jan 4, 2014.

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  1. fvckinginsane

    fvckinginsane Active Member

    i was so addicted to self harming not too long ago. i was cutting everyday all up my arms and all over my upper thigh, each cut seemed to get deeper and deeper. seeing what was under my skin and just watching the blood pour it gave me this sort of thrill, there was always a little adrenaline missing though, i liked being scared i was close to hitting my artery, i liked seeing my flesh and everything but i never got the long lasting thrill i wanted if that makes sense. each cut was never enough, i wanted more. the pain took my mind off of the things inside my head. it was a temporary relief. i took razor blades wherever i went. i always had one on me just incase. even when i was in hospital i snuck in razors, they definitely gave me relief from being in there. but my razors soon got confiscated when i was in hospital because they saw blood on my pants. so i had to go 3 weeks without cutting and i just sort of stopped after that. i just started smoking a lot more and burnt myself with my lighter whenever i felt the urge, nothing too bad. but the other day i was in the shower and i was just staring at my razor for a while and all the urges came rushing back, it had been 6 weeks since i last cut but i couldn't help myself. ive started cutting again and it's getting out of control again. i know i wont be able to stop for a while and there will be times where i cut but will i ever completely stop?
     
  2. freija

    freija New Member

    I don't know, I can't know if you'll ever get to that place. I don't know if I ever will either. You went six weeks though, and that is a huge thing. I don't know you, but I'm proud of you, and you should be proud too.

    I know it's easier said than done and it might not help - but what about trying not to think about ever stopping, trying not to think about absolutes and the future? Instead, I think it's more important to focus on every time you put the razor down, every time you walk away or throw it away. When you do cut, be proud of every time you decide to stop when you could carry on - and be proud of every day that you don't cut, because it's a huge achievement in its own right, regardless of whether you cut tomorrow, or next week, or in five years' time.

    I don't know if that helps and I'm sorry if it doesn't (for what it's worth, I'm not really following my own advice so well right now). But from your post you are obviously moving towards not cutting, and I think you do need to keep reminding yourself of that.
     
  3. fvckinginsane

    fvckinginsane Active Member

    thankyou, that really does make a differnece i mean, i should be proud of myself for going quite a while without it. and it is a big achievement for me, so thankyou for reminding me of that. i need to stop being so harsh of myself, of course i am going to cut in the future but i should be happy that im on my way to stopping
     
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