While I was in the hospital, my mother had told me I could come back and live with her once I was discharged. I later found out that she had told my grandparents there was no way that was happening because I was so messed up. She doesn't want me around my little sisters. She accused me of hitting my sisters once, which I did not and would not ever do. She used to leave me to discipline and take care of them, so yes once or twice I grabbed their arm to take them upstairs to their rooms when they misbehaved because that is what happened to me when I was younger and I misbehaved, but I did not hit them. She told me my sisters were crying and could not talk for two hours when they found out I was in the hospital, and that how could I ever want to die when I had my sisters and family, and how messed up could I really be... She told my grandparents she didn't want me. It really hurt, I love my mum and sisters, and my mother always says I don't love any of them. I do. I was holding it together for almost a week after my discharge from the hospital... But I couldn't anymore, so I cut below my neck. It's totally visible to everyone at school. One of the EA's that works with me sometimes said I needed to stop, and that if I were to do it I should do it somewhere where no one else can see it. Another EA told me that I needed to stop hurting myself or I would be sent back to the hospital. I had swore to a friend that I would not do self harm anymore, and I broke that swear and I feel terrible for it. I didn't mean to and it wasn't meant to hurt that friend... I don't want to hurt friends. A lot of my friends were mad at me or upset with me for it. Everyone at school can see it, a few people even came up to me and said they knew they were cut marks. I feel like no one understands... My mother doesn't want me, and I keep having to deal with all these doctors that think I have different disorders everytime I turn around, and getting people to understand the syndrome I have without it looking like an excuse because it really and honestly is just an explanation, is harder than heck. I don't know anymore... It's confusing.