i cut myself last night. it was dark outside when i went for a walk about 6 miles. down and 6 back. i had no shoes on barefoot. i wanted to cut my feet up. i fell down a hill and severely cut my right foot up. it became dirty. i havent washed it yet and i dont know if i want to or will. when i cut myself it was 3 times on my left forearm. i wanted people to stop and leave me alone. a long time ago i used to think people plotted against me and my psych said it wasnt true. so i threw this idea out but still holding on to the theory that it was possible. i waited and looked for signs of it being true. something happened and everyone point at me. they plotted against me. people who werent there plotted against me. it proves my theory to be true. i have 3 salutions to the problem. 1. hiding away and never to return. 2. when they come for me because i refuse to show myself anymore i will just kill myself. 3. if suicide fails i will plead permanent insanity hoping to be locked away forever from the enemy. i know there is a possibility that the clinic is breached with conspirators out to get me but i will be safer than being free for anyone to attack me. im all alone and i just wanted to tell you to leave me alone. and so you know that i made a plan to protect myself. people say suicide is a selfish act but i believe if no one is willing to help protect me then they are part of the problem. lets just hope i never make it into a hospital. skipping plan 1 just might be the salution. i quit cold turkey my medicines. im almost on day 2 withdraws are becomming more intense but im thinking more clearly. i am learning who really loves me and who wants to hurt me.i have other considerations. maybe if i lose all identity and go out into the world alone. i can blend in with emptiness the people wont recognize me as the person they target. what are your thoughts?