3 hours sleep since monday, not slept at all 2nite (this morning) i've done all the cleaning, ironing and sorted out my paperwork. this is the day that for so long i've been trying to avoid. one month before my 30th birthday. the day i call/ed d-day. I've feel like i have now admitted defeat accepted defeat. I've already taken some tablets, i know its going to be a slow process thought out the day. i'm not sure what else to do. i feel scarily calm. Does that mean the thoughts and the way i have felt about this day is true, it must be. its why i've never suceeded in an attempt before. This was something else G** wanted to control, the day I die. the only thing i thought I had control over and that was ending the life that was never mine.