Dad has Gone

Discussion in 'Grief and Bereavement' started by albal1979, Feb 28, 2007.

  1. albal1979

    albal1979 New Member

    my dad recently killed himself aged 51 after several suicide attempts over the past few years. He was bipolar fot two years, dramatically changing from the outgoing man he was until losing his job of 30 years and becoming a shadow of his former self. He got a high for 5 months, starting on my sons birthday aged 1 on Dec 22th 2005 and began regression in June 2006. His first vry for help was at his new job which he hated and tied a piece of wire round his ankle to try to fall on a screw driver to make it look like an accident; he failed. He made several suicide attempts involving hanging in our garage, which he said "failed"; in retrospect we now know he tried this out as his prefered way.

    We battled in vain to keep his spirits up, bringing his grand-children round for christmas to cheer him up (had adverse effect, Dad spent most of the time regretting how he was and lying down upstairs out of the way).

    Three days before Dad died, I brought my son to see him and dad was so quiet, even Mum was puzzled. Later, Mum told me he was upset as to how much fun he could have with Jamie if he felt better. Two days later, Mum told me Dad was quiet again but would not say why.

    At 12.43 pm Friday 19th Jan 2007, I got a phone call off Mum to say "He's done it, he's gone..." at which the line went dead to the sound of tears.

    Dad had done what he had planned and left multiple suicide notes to say what he felt, which made no sense. He wanted so much to be who he once was and could no longer feel anything for anyone, himself or family.

    Dad just wanted to know he was causing no one any more pain, which is ironic as once Dad left this coil, the pain began.

    Mum, me, sis, nephew, niece, grandkids, mum in law, sis in law etc mortified at the fact dad had gone, when all we could think of was him getting better.

    "You'll be fine"

    "Just keep going"

    "We'll get there"

    Now we have his ashes.

    If anyone out there can identify with this or similar please get in tough
     
  2. Shauna Lea

    Shauna Lea Staff Alumni

    Hey albal

    Personally i have never had to deal with anything like this, but i just wanted to say that im so sorry to hear about ur dad! i cant imagine the pain ur in and i wish there was something i could say to make it better, even just a bit.

    Ur welcome to PM me n e time if u need someone to talk to, i cant promise to understand but i promise to listen and give u advice to the best of my ability.

    Take care of urself and ur family!
     
  3. Beret

    Beret Staff Alumni

    I'm so sorry to hear about the loss of you dad. Now all you can do is trying to stay strong for your family. My thoughts an prayers are with you :arms:
     
  4. sorry_mozart

    sorry_mozart Well-Known Member

    I’m so sorry to hear your story. I have bipolar in my family and I have lost two good friends to suicide, but I can’t imagine the pain that you must be going through at this time.

    I don’t know if it will help to think of it this way, but though it was suicide, it was a disease that killed your father, just as surely as if it had been heart disease or cancer. Sometimes we feel more guilty if someone dies from a ‘mental’ illness, than from a ‘physical’ one, as though we could have done more to help them 'get better'. But mental illnesses are physical ones – the brain is an organ like any other, and sometimes the damage done by the disease is irreparable and incurable and inevitably fatal.

    I wish you and your family all the best in finding ways to come to terms with this awful loss. I also hope that you stick around here, as there are lots of wonderful, supportive people on these boards, some of whom have been through similar tragedies.

    Mozart x
    (p.s. You can pm me any time you want if you feel like talking. )
     
  5. blade

    blade Well-Known Member

    i am really sorry to hear about ur dad. u dont mind me asking what was the date he ...u know.

    u dont have to tell me.

    its just that i like remembering these things and i will remember ur dad on that date. with courage.