[this is from yesterday - wouldnt let me get onto the forum]
[Took laptop in2 hospital! - they said I could as I’m in side room!]
I’ve got to stay in here for at least a week, as they believe I need to get away from my problems and from my family. Both my mum and my dad are now talking, so its working I guess. Maybe if i die, they won’t shout at each other after all. It still seems like a really good plan. The hospital wants to arrange a meeting with my counsellor, me and my parents, so my parents can see how much more damage it is causing me. They don’t no that my dad hits my mum and controls all of us, but they don’t need to now that do they? :| at the hospital, even though i am in the general, they still have to search all my stuff, after coming back from home, as they found a screw driver on me last night. I always have something sharp on me, not just so i can cut, but in case i get in trouble. They don’t know that either. how am i suppose to tell them, its in case i need to stab someone, i would get done for carrying something sharp wouldn’t i. my parents are still stressing though, they started arguing in the hospital, i had to call a nurse in to get them out. How bad is that? They are at least talking, well arguing through their probs. it’s driving me insane. i told the nurse in charge that i really want to get out of everything, and she asked what i mean, but then i realised if i say anything else, that i would be sectioned [happened to many times for me not to no what to say and what i cant]. My counsellor is coming at 430 to have a chat as she isn’t been able to come in yet. the on duty counsellor came in last night [well 7 this morning] and she’s the one I’ve seen quite a few times, and she never understands and never listens - she always says its the alcohol, and when i try and debate her, saying that I’ve overdosed mostly when i isn’t drank, and the fact that last night i didn’t drink - well not so much - only had a couple, and she always argues with me, and she never remembers anything, she wants to no how i got a job in a care home to begin with, and also she says she’s going to speak to my manager to reconsider. That’s fantastic to hear when I’m in hospital, for trying to die and she tell me when i come out i may be redundant - the fucking bithc and apparently she is one of the best doctors on the island [mental doctor]. I just want my counsellor to come, as she knows me, and she knows what I’m like. The hospital is already driving me insane, as i am on hourly supervision, in case i get something sharp. but the idea to die is still on, as its working so far, so all i need to do is get some more pills, and then happy days are here for good, for when I’m DEAD.
Sorry for the long post, can’t help it, i love writing, and this is de - stressing me slightly.
My counsellor came in again today, and she told me that no one has been completely honest with me, and that people have been waiting me to be calm enough to tell me, as they know i do some pretty ecentric stuff at bad news. she wasnt sure how i would take it. I have Borderline Personality Disorder - what exaclty is that, she tried explaining about personality traits inside us and stuff, but i still dont understand?
:sad: