Discussion in 'Grief and Bereavement' started by Elle., Aug 18, 2008.

  1. Elle.

    Elle. Well-Known Member

    It's been 8 years since my dad passed away. I was 8 years old, but I still remember everything about that night. This is the first time I speak about it in detail.
    My dad was a dentist and he was working that day, but when all of us (1 brother n 2 sisters) got home from school my dad's car wasn't there yet. We noticed our mom get kind of stressed out and then there was that phonecall. Mom was in the kitchen and she wouldn't let us come in. I heard in her voice that something was wrong. She hung up the phone and tears were in her eyes. A friend of my mom came to our house and my mom got into his car. We were left with a few friends of my moms and we were told that my dad has been in a car accident and that my mom was in too big of a shock to drive to the hospital herself.
    I didn't know what to think when my mom came through the door crying and everyone went up to her for hugs etc. I heard my sister say 'is he dead?' and with a quick nodd as a reply my family broke into tears.
    I don't remember anything from the following days, but I know it's been hell for my mom. Up until today she has never had any interest in other men at all and she's still devestated about the loss of her true love.
    I think about it everyday what ******* bullshit it is that he died. He was known as the funniest and most amazing man people knew, and my friends don't know who he was, my children won't know, it kills me. I don't even want to think about graduating without him or marrying without him there. I find it hard to show my pain though, and I feel so guilty sometimes that I never cry and force myself to. I miss him every single day of my life, even when people think otherwise because I never speak about it or never show any emotion.
  2. Dana..

    Dana.. Well-Known Member

    I feel sorry for you, i love my dad loads, and even when we fall out we still make up.
    It most of been hell for you.
    you can PM me if you want.
  3. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    I am sorry you lost your father in such a tragic way. It is okay for you to miss your dad and wish he were here to share milestones with. It sounds as if you still have not completed the grieving process. Did you or others in your family have any type of grief counseling?
    It might be something to consider even after this length of time. Celebrate his life and the wonderful memories he left people with. He sounds as if he were a good man. :hug:
  4. Esmeralda

    Esmeralda Well-Known Member

    I'm so sorry for your loss. My Dad died the same way when I was 16, and he too was known as the funniest, most amazing guy anyone knew. At his funeral, the church was standing room only. I was completely devastated when I lost him and so was my whole family. Of course I still miss him very much, but you will find a way to make it through. Now when I think of him I can smile instead of crying and when I have a major milestone like my wedding or graduation, I always talk to him and I know that he's right there with me, smiling with pride. Remember the good things and talk to your Dad, because he can hear you and he is there with you.
  5. Elle.

    Elle. Well-Known Member

    I'm really sorry to hear about your dad aswell.. I'm 16 now and i'm aware that around this age every emotion just gets so much stronger. I'm glad you made it through, for it was hard for me and I was so small! You really amaze me :)

    Anyway, I do look back and see the good things..that's what makes it bad, missing the good things..
    and whenever he is brought up in conversation I have nooo clue how to react to that and thats when people tell me I come across as cold or whatever, which is not my intention at all:-s

    I don't think it'll ever go away.

    Thank you all for your replies I appreciate being supported :) Also, good luck and lots of love to anyone this has happened to.
  6. Esmeralda

    Esmeralda Well-Known Member

    Sometimes it can be even harder if you were younger when it happened. My little brother still has a lot of grief over it because he barely got to know our Dad before he died. It doesn't just go away one day, but over time it gets easier. I personally like hearing stories about my Dad or talking about him with people who knew him well. You'll get there and I'm sure he is very proud of you. 16 can be a tough age anyway, evn undernormal circumstances. :hug: PM me if you ever need to chat. We're in the same boat after all :)

    Thank you so much for your kind thoughyts. They mean a lot.
  7. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    I am so sorry for your loss, if you need someone to talk to, please PM me :hug:
  8. Sa Palomera

    Sa Palomera Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry for your loss LC. :hug:

    I myself have lost my mother when I was a baby, so I know what it feels like when one of your parents can't be there at big and important events in your life. I too have a hard time thinking about how she won't be there when I graduate from University, and if I ever were to have kids or get married, she can't be there.

    If you want to talk with someone who can partly relate, feel free to drop me a PM :arms: