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Daily Struggles

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I have an eating disorder, there is no doubt about that. I guess if we had to put a label to it, it'd be Anorexia. Occasionally purging type? I restrict quite a bit, occasionally overexercise, and occasionally binge, which normally leads to purging.
Everyday I just feel horrible, like I'm already eating too much, and I'm too fat to even live. This ED is taking over my life, but I want it back. I hate spending all day wondering "When will no one be around so I can purge? When do I have to go somewhere and be forced to eat, so I know not to have anything before then? How much little can I get away with eating? When will I be able to fast". I hate the scale dictating everything, including my own worth. If the number goes slightly up, I shouldn't be alive.

I know I need help for this, I won't be overcome it on my own. But I sort of can't get help. Chances are I would need to go inpatient. I have no health insurance at the moment, and don't see myself getting insurance anytime soon, so that's out of the question. I feel like it's only a matter of time before my eating disorder kills me, or I can't take it anymore and kill myself.

Does anyone have any suggestions to what I could try and do about this? I'm nearing the end of my rope, more and more each day.


Staff Alumni
There are also low cost and free programs at City/County hospitals, so before you discount care, see what is available for you...I hope you find a professional who can help you through this...J
I haven't thought about charity or low cost programs! I live in a relatively wealthy area, so I don't know what the odds are any hospitals nearby would have it. I'll still try and remember to look into it.
There aren't exactly any city or county hospitals within reasonable distance from where I live, only expensive private ones :P

Today is just one of those days again where I feel like "I need to do something about this eating disorder, and FAST, or it will never stop controlling me".
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