I have an eating disorder, there is no doubt about that. I guess if we had to put a label to it, it'd be Anorexia. Occasionally purging type? I restrict quite a bit, occasionally overexercise, and occasionally binge, which normally leads to purging. Everyday I just feel horrible, like I'm already eating too much, and I'm too fat to even live. This ED is taking over my life, but I want it back. I hate spending all day wondering "When will no one be around so I can purge? When do I have to go somewhere and be forced to eat, so I know not to have anything before then? How much little can I get away with eating? When will I be able to fast". I hate the scale dictating everything, including my own worth. If the number goes slightly up, I shouldn't be alive. I know I need help for this, I won't be overcome it on my own. But I sort of can't get help. Chances are I would need to go inpatient. I have no health insurance at the moment, and don't see myself getting insurance anytime soon, so that's out of the question. I feel like it's only a matter of time before my eating disorder kills me, or I can't take it anymore and kill myself. Does anyone have any suggestions to what I could try and do about this? I'm nearing the end of my rope, more and more each day.