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Daily thoughts of suicide and the worthless effort to live

johnDoen

Well-Known Member
#1
I guess people around don't get it that I have suicidal thoughts everyday. They have tried to explain to me about those thoughts as results of lacking friends, eating less vegetables and fruits, weak faith in God, spending too much time working on computers, being born strange, or even vaccines.

For now, I keep a mask on for them: being as functional as possible in daily work, at the same time, trying to avoid them as much as I can and gathering resources for getting help professionally and effectively. For the mean time, those thoughts are still around when I'm typing these lines.

I need to get back to work somehow. Spending too much time on this forum is pretty much procrastination.
 

Legate Lanius

Will spend less time online, afk 4 a few months
#2
Loneliness is known to raise depression levels in most people. So is excessive screen time. The others I'm not so sure about. Well genetics do influence happiness levels and neuroticism so that one also makes sense.

Sounds like you have the strength to keep going and getting the help you want which is great. Best of luck to you.
 
#3
Sorry that you're going through this
gathering resources for getting help professionally and effectively
There may be some resources that can help you get professional treatment. There might be something in this link that could help.
https://www.suicideforum.com/commun...-broader-international-resource-links.166819/

If there are no specific links for assistance in your country there, you might try finding a suicide hotline for your country through befrienders, and ask if they can direct you to a way to get help with helathcare.

The link in my signature has some information about treatments methods.

I hope something can help.
 

johnDoen

Well-Known Member
#4
Sorry that you're going through this

There may be some resources that can help you get professional treatment. There might be something in this link that could help.
https://www.suicideforum.com/commun...-broader-international-resource-links.166819/

If there are no specific links for assistance in your country there, you might try finding a suicide hotline for your country through befrienders, and ask if they can direct you to a way to get help with helathcare.

The link in my signature has some information about treatments methods.

I hope something can help.
There is no result from searching at Befriender. I know there is no hotline for suicidal matters but thanks, anyways.
 
#5
I'm sorry there was nothing @johnDoen

If you want to say what country you're in, either here or by PM, I could try to help you look for resources.

There might be some self-treatment methods that could help, but your plan of gathering resources for professional treatment sounds good.
 

BarryW

SF Supporter
#6
Hello johnDoen, it looks like you joined the forum last weekend - welcome! I have a few questions to try to understand your situation better if you don't mind..

I guess people around don't get it that I have suicidal thoughts everyday. They have tried to explain to me about those thoughts as results of lacking friends, eating less vegetables and fruits, weak faith in God, spending too much time working on computers, being born strange, or even vaccines.
When you say that those around you don't get it, do you mean that they don't believe you really have them everyday, don't realize how big of a deal those thoughts are to you, or something else?

For now, I keep a mask on for them: being as functional as possible in daily work, at the same time, trying to avoid them as much as I can and gathering resources for getting help professionally and effectively.
How does it feel, wearing that mask?

I need to get back to work somehow. Spending too much time on this forum is pretty much procrastination.
It sounds like you are attending to your job and other responsibilities.. do you mean you need to get back to work on researching?

I hope you are doing a little better whenever you read this, but don't feel the need to pretend if you aren't.
 

johnDoen

Well-Known Member
#7
Hello johnDoen, it looks like you joined the forum last weekend - welcome! I have a few questions to try to understand your situation better if you don't mind..

When you say that those around you don't get it, do you mean that they don't believe you really have them everyday, don't realize how big of a deal those thoughts are to you, or something else?

How does it feel, wearing that mask?

It sounds like you are attending to your job and other responsibilities.. do you mean you need to get back to work on researching?

I hope you are doing a little better whenever you read this, but don't feel the need to pretend if you aren't.
They think those thoughts are something within my control and the results of things I do based on how they explain that. In a sense, not a big deal to them.

The mask is meant to set myself away from those who hurts me. It's the only thing I can come up with at the moment. There is no good feeling from wearing a mask but it's better than being hurled with pressured suggestions and comparisons.

There are necessary work that I don't want to do. Hence, procrastination.
 

BarryW

SF Supporter
#8
Thanks for the explanation. I have heard of that sort of response for other traits that some can't accept as well. I think if you spend sufficient time on here, or with a professional, you will find people with various/better outlooks regarding your suicidal thoughts.

I get it.. it makes sense to not share your life story with everyone you meet. I hope you are able to meet or find one or more people who you can be your true self with in person.

My motivation for most things has been very poor this year, so unfortunately I don't have great anti-proscratination tips. Maybe taking a look in the positive feelings / strategies for success subforum will help inspire you.

Take care.
 

KM76710

SWCA3110-SWHF625
SF Supporter
#9
They think those thoughts are something within my control and the results of things I do based on how they explain that. In a sense, not a big deal to them.

The mask is meant to set myself away from those who hurts me. It's the only thing I can come up with at the moment. There is no good feeling from wearing a mask but it's better than being hurled with pressured suggestions and comparisons.

There are necessary work that I don't want to do. Hence, procrastination.
Nothing wrong at all with a mask if it makes you more comfortable and better able to handle things going on, and a plus here is people will accept that and offer hope and comfort for you.
 

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