Excuses For Missing Work * My stigmata's acting up. * I can't come in to work today because I'll be stalking my previous boss, who fired me for not showing up for work. OK? * I have a rare case of 48-hour wrist leprosy, but I know we have that deadline to meet... * I am stuck in the blood pressure machine down at the Food Giant. * I just found out that I was switched at birth. Legally, I shouldn't come to work knowing my employee records may now contain false information. * The dog ate my car keys. We're going to hitchhike to the vet. * I prefer to remain an enigma....it's Monday. * My stepmother has come back as one of the Undead and we must track her to her coffin to drive a stake through her heart and give her eternal peace. * I am converting my calendar from Julian to Gregorian. * I am extremely sensitive to a rise in the interest rates. * I refuse to travel to my job until there is a commuter tax. I insist on paying my fair share. * I was up on a ladder decorating the Christmas tree when my mother called me and told me I was Jewish. * I've used up all my sick days...so I'm calling in dead!