In december I attempted suicide. I though my plan was perfect but I woke up two days later on the bathroom floor. Most of that time I was sleeping on my right arm and I totally messed it up. I was in the hospital for 5 weeks, was on psych watch for half of it. The psychiatrist threatened to put me in the locked psych floor without my consent. It was a nightmare. At 4+ months on I can barely make a fist and my hand is mostly numb - it's basically useless. The docs don't seem to know much. I've tried to stay positive, get treatment, but things just keep getting worse. The girl who saw me through a lot of this is starting to pull away - I don't blame her after all the emotional upheaval. I'm in massive debt from the hospital, have no friends or life. I just don't know if it's going to get better. Using my hands to paint, or play guitar, or make things, was my main outlet from depression I feel hopeless and I'm starting to plan again. I wish there was someone to rescue me but there isn't.