damaged from attempt

[jim_starboard]

In december I attempted suicide. I though my plan was perfect but I woke up two days later on the bathroom floor. Most of that time I was sleeping on my right arm and I totally messed it up.

I was in the hospital for 5 weeks, was on psych watch for half of it. The psychiatrist threatened to put me in the locked psych floor without my consent. It was a nightmare.

At 4+ months on I can barely make a fist and my hand is mostly numb - it's basically useless. The docs don't seem to know much. I've tried to stay positive, get treatment, but things just keep getting worse. The girl who saw me through a lot of this is starting to pull away - I don't blame her after all the emotional upheaval. I'm in massive debt from the hospital, have no friends or life. I just don't know if it's going to get better. Using my hands to paint, or play guitar, or make things, was my main outlet from depression

I feel hopeless and I'm starting to plan again. I wish there was someone to rescue me but there isn't.

 

[ASkylitDrive]

Wow. Hun I'm terribly sorry you are going through this.
Is there a way to slowly train your other arm maybe?

 

[IV2010]

have you seen a physiotherapist?? they may be able to give you some therapy and exercises to get the arm working again....I'm sorry this happened to you....

 

[jim_starboard]

Thanks. I had hand therapy 3x a week for 3 months. I stopped recently because I moved. I think it helped, but therapy only keeps the joints and tendons loose. Nothing can really help the nerve damage except time and possibly more surgery. The surgeon says I'm improving and wont need any surgery yet but I still feel pessimistic. I can't really do much of anything with my right hand - even little things like shake hands or handle money easily.

I did a lot of research, and got these catalogs that have things for disabled people, but most of the products for the hand are so-so. Got a one handed typing tutor program - it's good but I'm now sort-of able to use the index finger of my right hand to type again.

Anyway, like the movie says: it's not the one thing - it's the dismal tide. If everything else was ok I could cope but everything lately is a disaster.