damaged goods

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by silent_chaos, Dec 24, 2012.

  1. silent_chaos

    silent_chaos Well-Known Member

    I cant stand the highs and lows or mixed states of bipolor. its wrecking havoc on me, taking a toll. i will always come back to mania or suicidal depressed. what am i here for im, not succeeding in anything. my head is spinning, im depressed and my thoughts are racing. i have no one to talk to. i guess i do but i feel like im throwing my problems to the wind cause there is nothing they can do for me or say to make it go away or feel better. i cant talk it out and feel better, it dosnt work that way. the thoughts still play over and over in my head. im so freaking frustrated, and worn thin.
     
  2. jnick

    jnick Well-Known Member

    I have some experience with manic depression and have often thought that I have just not been diagnosed. I have a huge family history with it on both sides. I have however been diagnosed with OCD from a very young age. I think the way my OCD waxes and wanes that sometimes it might just be the way I deal with the highs and lows, I have also self medicated with mainly alcohol through the years. I cant really offer any sage advice. I tend to think that all mental illness is so closely related that it is all the same thing, a diagnoses is just a matter of semantics. The thoughts playing over and over in your head sound like an OCD type thing, but as I said, I think it is all the same shit. I hope you can feel relatively stable soon. If you want to discuss anything in further detail feel free to PM me or just post again. All I have at the moment is time.
     
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    with right meds the highs and the lows wont be as sever hun talk to your doctor ok and get meds changed up abit so you can get more stable hugs
     
  4. silent_chaos

    silent_chaos Well-Known Member

    my meds where adjusted couple weeks ago, i feel worse since the dose was increased. the right mix of meds are only temporary. i still revert to being unstable. im already dead, why am i still physically here. im tired of surviving i want to live and feel happy. but i cant at the moment im at rock bottom, what little money i had left is gone. i own a weeks worth of clothes, everything i own can fit in my van, and still have room to sleep. some times i think of committing a crime and going to jail would be easier, im not saying it would be pretty. or go off my meds and take a trip to a state hospital. i cant do this, its takes so much energy just to get threw the day. i have nothing left. NOTHING! ive never done anything to any one to deserve this, i live around my mental illness. i am trapped by it. there is nothing i can do about it, but to keep taking my meds and suffer being alive and watching myself fail over and over! to fall right back into the arms of my mental illness. ive dealt with this going on 20 years. im tired.
     
  5. youRprecious!

    youRprecious! Antiquities Friend

    Hi Jenn, I am pleased to meet you here :) There is bi-polar in my family and know what you mean by what you're posting, I have been in the same place - there is a part of me that has been there for 20 years also - I do know and understand what it feels like. I attempted because of it, as well as other stuff that had happened related to it, and have - gradually - been able to climb out. I'm not going to say that there is an easy answer because that would be untrue and unfair, but there is an answer for you, I am convinced - just happens to not be promoted or believed in much by the medical authorities. I am not suggesting you do not go to them and I am not suggesting not taking meds at all - but the main healer I found has been in getting my understanding healed.

    Once we can understand stuff, satisfactorily, which makes sense to our person and our situation, we find ourselves healing from the inside, because we realise our thoughts are becoming manageable and this increases our peace. If you would like to PM with me about this, please do - I will be here for you, because I believe in Hope :)