damaged goods.

Discussion in 'Rape and Abuse' started by whiskeylullaby, Apr 28, 2009.

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  1. whiskeylullaby

    whiskeylullaby Well-Known Member

    so a friend of mine told me last night that i was damaged goods and no one in their right mind would ever want to be with me...this was a guy that for the first time in three years i actually felt close enough to that i was able to let down my guard a little bit and allow myself to fall for him, we've been friends for two years...and i finally told him that i was raped at a party three years ago...he is now one of three people that know, and he said all the right things, that it wasn't my fault, that he didn't think anything different of me...but then yesterday the came at me with "he couldn't be with me becasue he couldn't deal with the baggage i brought along, that i was damaged goods and he couldn't be with me" but we could "still be friends" is he fucking serious?!?! i just don't know what to do. i've been in such a good place...well good as i can be...the last couple of weeks and this had just completely thrown me for a loop. i feel like i deserve what is happening to me now, that i deserve to be shuned, to be alone...i don't know. and i haven't been to sleep in two days, because now that this whole thing has been brought up by this guy saying these things, i have the worst flashbacks every time i try to fall asleep. flashbacks so real that i feel like i am there. i don't know how to break free of this, i'm afraid to go to sleep. i don't know what to do.
  2. cult logic

    cult logic Staff Alumni

    I'm in a pissed mood so this may come off as offensive, but that guy is a douche for saying something like that that he had to know would hurt you.
  3. whiskeylullaby

    whiskeylullaby Well-Known Member

    that may be true, but i honestly believe it. i believe that i deserve everything that has happened to me, it's all my fault. what he said only confirmed what i already thought. i'm beyond help.
  4. Remedy

    Remedy Chat & Forum Buddy

    I agree with bcs, what an idiot! Nothing that happened to you is your fault and you are NOT 'damaged goods'. Some guys can be such jerks! Don't listen to him hun. :hug:
    I know that's easier said than done, but if that's the way he thinks then you're a lot better off without him.
  5. Anime-Zodiac

    Anime-Zodiac Well-Known Member

    No, you don't deserve this.
    What that guy said, it's just his opinion. At least now you know that he doesn't want to be with you, it's better then him leading you on or being with you out of sympathy. I can understand that this person can been friends with you for a while now hence why it especially hurts. Perhaps he freaked out when you told him about you being raped in the past, hence the things he said.

    I hope your able to move on from this and just for the record, your not damaged goods.

    Take care.
  6. Crue-K

    Crue-K Well-Known Member

    Nobody deserves what happened to you, this so called friend is total knobhead and you shouldn't even give him the time of day. True friends, either intimate ones or not should support their friends, not judge them.
  7. plates

    plates Well-Known Member

    i agree with bcs, graham and mel.

    you're not damaged goods and the man saying this has serious issues himself and you probably terrified him with your honesty.

    being raped isn't your fault. i can't believe a friend would say that to anyone.
  8. jameslyons

    jameslyons Well-Known Member

    Being raped is the fault of one person, and it ain't you. Your "friend" sounds like he's horrifically immature and lame. If anything, as much as I'd like to hate on him, it sounds like he's suffering from extreme male immaturity. I'm so sorry that somebody had to say something so hurtful and offensive. It's far worse that the comment was made by a close friend.

    But Cosette you aren't beyond help nor do you deserve what happened. :hug: But it's definitely time to find a better support network! Have you searched for any group therapy sessions that may help?
  9. shades

    shades Staff Alumni

    COSETTE: I got to this thread a little late. All i have to say is what has been previously said to you by the other caring, insightful people at this forum. THEY ARE ALL RIGHT ON! Just a couple of other comments.

    Damaged goods refers to produce, not to you or any other person. And, the guy that said it has the IQ of a soap dish.
  10. christine1114

    christine1114 Member

    He could not deal with this, so that is hes' problem. I was molested very young and my preditor is now dead. Unfortunately because now that I am older I felt the need to confront him and it to late. But when I was a young teenager I was raped by a older an abusive boyfriend who blackmaled me because I was young and I confided into the wronge person.,witch was him my boyfriend and he used my secrets against me to get me to do certain things. Young and nieve I waS. But as the years went by he told one of my closest friends to tell me he was very sorry for all the things he did to me. So I take his apologies with a grain of salt. It does not wipe away all those years and even now how I deal with life and all those horrible memories. I am now trying to convence myself that all men are not evil. But I have a very hard time dealing with trust. I just dont have it in me. Witch is sad because I am missing out on a big part of life. Am rambling on sorry ... IT is not your fault we cannot control others all we can do is control are selves. You deserve the best just like me. We did not ask for this.
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