Hello everyone, I... was bullied, I was humiliated. Goofed on, made fun of, called names & nicknames. Because I was shy, because I was a sheltered kid, because I thought they where the cool crowd, because I wanted to fit in, because I didn't know, because I was weak. I was well into my teens, I was already a man I should have been able to defend myself but in my mind I was an innocent child. And thinking about it, before that, all throughout my life I could recall times of being "bullied". I dread meeting people who have seen me in those worst moments with no dignity. My spirit is broken. I look at people who are happy and confident, no care in the world, and it fills me with such a pain in my heart. That could have been me too but not anymore. I look at them and I think "you feel good about yourself but it is by chance because you too could have been broken by... life". Oh God... I feel bad inside, I feel I don't deserve anyone to love me, don't deserve to be happy. They made me this way and now I don't think I can change it. I don't smile anymore. Now I grin a sort of leery, cagey, grin. I don't trust, I have "social phobia", I isolate myself - then I despair that I waste away and life passes me by. I'm not doing anything on this earth, sometimes I wish I just didn't exist anymore. I think about ending it. And my mother, I don't want her to live through that. Don't know why I'm writing this but I'm doing it so there must be a reason.