So I just want to get one thing straight before I even continue this post. I am not looking for sympathy or sad feelings, I am looking for realistic answers and maybe some information.
So about me:
I am 24 year old guy, from Minnesota, and grew up there most of my life. I have done a lot of travelling which has made me happy for a very short spell.
I feel like suicide is the only option because of several reasons. I am currently living abroad, and I think my next plane trip will be to Switzerland for self euthanasia which is legal.
So why do I feel this way, well I have an extensive background and knowledge on computers. I am very smart with electronics, numbers, etc. But thats not the problem.
About 8 years ago, I decided to spend money on a credit card with a friend and go hog wild, we racked up 30 grand in debt, and instead of my 19 year old friend at the time, just accepting it and us paying it off, he went with the flow of his mother and decided to fill out a fraud affidavit, so the police were involved. Then they pointed the police my direction, and God knows my friend was equally involved. Anyways I ended up with 6 felonies. Then because of a crazy sister, and her meth issues, I ended up getting two unprovable -(NO I DIDNT DO IT) type "Terroristic Threats" felonies. So tallying me up to 8.
Anyways, I go for a job interview, I get the job! What kind of job you might ask? Senior Network Engineer for a big cable company. Starting pay 89,000.00 a year with full benefits, employee options, etc. Come in on Monday and start working. Background check goes through... your fired....
Well next time lets tell them the truth, I am sorry the position has been filled.
So to make a long story short, every time I want to do something, get a job, find an apartment, join a program, go somewhere (Canada), etc I get turned down. I am tired of borrowing from others. Did I screw up my own life, yes. I take full responsibility for that. But where is the redemption, what about cleaning the record after 8 years of clean behavior not so much as a parking ticket. I have traveled to the other side of the globe to get a job, because I felt they would not see the record, and now I was just fired today. Our last day of training.
I see no point in continuing my life, if every last day is an unbearable struggle with no end in sight. I am tired of those who say take medication, because all medication does is blind you from the fact your life is fucked and there is nothing you can do about it.
So again no hard feelings, but really what to do? Skills are down the drain, just everything is so screwed up.
Any thoughts?
So about me:
I am 24 year old guy, from Minnesota, and grew up there most of my life. I have done a lot of travelling which has made me happy for a very short spell.
I feel like suicide is the only option because of several reasons. I am currently living abroad, and I think my next plane trip will be to Switzerland for self euthanasia which is legal.
So why do I feel this way, well I have an extensive background and knowledge on computers. I am very smart with electronics, numbers, etc. But thats not the problem.
About 8 years ago, I decided to spend money on a credit card with a friend and go hog wild, we racked up 30 grand in debt, and instead of my 19 year old friend at the time, just accepting it and us paying it off, he went with the flow of his mother and decided to fill out a fraud affidavit, so the police were involved. Then they pointed the police my direction, and God knows my friend was equally involved. Anyways I ended up with 6 felonies. Then because of a crazy sister, and her meth issues, I ended up getting two unprovable -(NO I DIDNT DO IT) type "Terroristic Threats" felonies. So tallying me up to 8.
Anyways, I go for a job interview, I get the job! What kind of job you might ask? Senior Network Engineer for a big cable company. Starting pay 89,000.00 a year with full benefits, employee options, etc. Come in on Monday and start working. Background check goes through... your fired....
Well next time lets tell them the truth, I am sorry the position has been filled.
So to make a long story short, every time I want to do something, get a job, find an apartment, join a program, go somewhere (Canada), etc I get turned down. I am tired of borrowing from others. Did I screw up my own life, yes. I take full responsibility for that. But where is the redemption, what about cleaning the record after 8 years of clean behavior not so much as a parking ticket. I have traveled to the other side of the globe to get a job, because I felt they would not see the record, and now I was just fired today. Our last day of training.
I see no point in continuing my life, if every last day is an unbearable struggle with no end in sight. I am tired of those who say take medication, because all medication does is blind you from the fact your life is fucked and there is nothing you can do about it.
So again no hard feelings, but really what to do? Skills are down the drain, just everything is so screwed up.
Any thoughts?