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Damaged

IDontWantToDie

Well-Known Member
#1
I will be alone tommorow. And i dont feel safe. I cant think anymore. I cant.
I can do something that makes me feel better... but as soon as i come back, i fall. Nothing helps anymore. I'm sad cuz i might do something to myself... i dont want to but again, i feel like i have to. I feel bad for keeping talking about wanting to end my life and not doing it. I dont see any way out anymore. It fucking hurts... and i can cry or laugh as much as i want. I can write, i can distract, i can fight... it just wont go away... im so sorry. Im so sorry for everything i have done. I probably deserve this.
I checked my safety plan, i am aware of everything. That thi gs might change and there is more to life... but i dont know what to do. I cant take this pain anymore. No one has ever understood in real life. This place is great and all... but its just not human.
I get that you are human, but what i see is my phone... and some letters, black on white.
I cant get up anymore.
 

IDontWantToDie

Well-Known Member
#2
It's like... not always life saves people. It's almost as if some lives are more valuable than others. Some people, and i have seen this, get some sort of unexpected help when they are face down in the dirt. I never get any help. I always pick myself up and start all over again... but what for? I feel like just doesnt want me around.
Why do people end up killing themselves? Why? Why no one helped them? Its fucking unfair.
 

Livelife

SF Supporter
#3
It's like... not always life saves people. It's almost as if some lives are more valuable than others. Some people, and i have seen this, get some sort of unexpected help when they are face down in the dirt. I never get any help. I always pick myself up and start all over again... but what for? I feel like just doesnt want me around.
Why do people end up killing themselves? Why? Why no one helped them? Its fucking unfair.
I so hope you find someone to be with tomorrow. I am not brilliant at responding but I wanted you to know that I read every word and I understand what you have shared and all I know to do is keep breathing, stay busy or distracted, sleep as best I can, come here a lot, and engage wherever I can with others that isn't online. The only thing I can argue with here is that you said you "deserved" what is happening. Although I am trying to come up and out of the hole I'm in and not faring too well, I do know that you don't deserve and I don't deserve the state of mind we have because of anything we have done. Ever. You are strong and courageous.... you have picked your own self up to carry on, it sounds like more than a few times. Be safe...
 

IDontWantToDie

Well-Known Member
#4
I so hope you find someone to be with tomorrow. I am not brilliant at responding but I wanted you to know that I read every word and I understand what you have shared and all I know to do is keep breathing, stay busy or distracted, sleep as best I can, come here a lot, and engage wherever I can with others that isn't online. The only thing I can argue with here is that you said you "deserved" what is happening. Although I am trying to come up and out of the hole I'm in and not faring too well, I do know that you don't deserve and I don't deserve the state of mind we have because of anything we have done. Ever. You are strong and courageous.... you have picked your own self up to carry on, it sounds like more than a few times. Be safe...
Thank you for the response. You said you are not great at it but this helped a lot. I will try to stay busy today. Just woke up, trying to punch away all nonsense thinking.
We do not deserve this... i agree. It's all in the head. We have to keep helping each other to get up.
Thank you once more and have a good day
 

MosesY

Functioning Alcoholic
SF Supporter
#5
I believe all lives are of equal value. I really believe that. Everyone makes the world what it is, no exceptions. You should believe that about yourself.

So far as getting help, yes it is a crap shoot. It is the luck of the draw. Is it fair? No. I believe there is a higher power at work making us the person they want us to be. Everything that happens to us makes us the person we are. I believe the highest purpose in life is to use our experiences to help other people.
 

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