I feel like nothing matters to me anymore. I am not in the mood to watch a movie whether a happy movie or a sad one. Either way, it triggers. If I watch something sad, I sure feel sad myself. If I watch something happy, it reminds me of how lonely I am while others are so happy out there. I am not sure how else to feel better, the fact that my dad is gonna buy a new com didn't really make me feel better. Not for long. I know even if I feel better, it won't be long. I don't know, I am not hoping that things will be over, cause it won't. Maybe I am buying myself time? Haha...I am not sure why am I still lying to myself. Not like I can fool myself.