Well here I find myself again. Everything has gone to shit. Here I sit at 3:45 in the morning waiting to fucking pass out. Absolutely alone with only my self hatred to keep me company. What has it come to? Everything is going wrong. I came so very close to getting caught cutting myself. I have been taking humongous doses of sleeping pills for the past couple of days coupled with vodka just to try and fall asleep. It's beyond my ability to deal with it right now. My therapist can't help me because I can't let myself be truly shown. I would attempt right now if I could. But my pills of course never work for that. I need to cut myself but I can't or I'll get caught. There's nowhere left where it won't be seen. I'm at the end. I thought since maybe a razor is no good for cutting my wrists a larger blade might be easier. It's not a good way to go but what else can I do? I don't have a gun or anything. Wish I did.