Like many others on this forum, i'm feeling depressed and fucked. I should post this on my journal but what the hell? Why not post on here? I am feeling suicidal because (Don't laugh), I feel like that there's no point going on. I do fencing for a sport, though only for winter and there was this moment during a bout where I was extremely tired and was losing badly [14-4]. Every breath hurt because it's more tiring than one imagines and at one point I thought What's the point of going on? You're 1 point from losing anyway and he's better than you. Just give up now! Even if you win a point, you'll still be tired but if you give up, you can stop this right now! And that's kind of what i'm feeling now. I feel like no matter how many of my little successes (bad spelling, I know) are, or how fulfilling they are, I will always, ALWAYS feel the deaths of people on my hands and that the only way out is death. I know I should let my life develop a little bit (I'm 14) but what's the point? Life will always hurt. But, I know I won't suicide. Like many others, i'm too scared to.