I'm really very frustrated today, and pretty depressed and angry right now. Sometimes life just seems to serve you plates of crap just after you've finished digesting the last one, and so the rant begins. I'm lonely, sat in on my own again, friends I have are busy or with partners, doing couple stuff. No girlfriend, shyness makes it so tough to find someone, problems make the relationship so difficult when I do, breakups trigger severe depression, depression harder to deal with now than before. Struggling to make new friends despite efforts, shyness again. Getting older in thirties now so people busy with their families. Unemployed living with only family member that seems to care, stuck in one room. Rest of family don't really seem interested, there all happy, well adjusted with relationships and jobs, I'm just the illegitimate half sibling, that's never really lived with them or been able to get to know them. Just have the uncomfortable "odd one out" family gatherings Want a family and the things others enjoy, want to be more relaxed about it, its so often on my mind. ADD makes it hard to concentrate and achieve the things I want, got diagnosis , can't get medication yet. Stupid health system. Now got osteoarthritis in my shoulder, recurring pain, prevents some exercise which I enjoy. Beginning to limit my ability to do Judo and Boxing, some of the few things I still enjoy. Damn negative thoughts and low self esteem, grrr Trained and studied for years to be a psychologist and therapist, can't do the work I'm trained for because I'm too depressed to be effective. Bad insomnia, resistant to Valium now, Valium supply down to last tablet tonight, can't get another prescription due to problems with potential addiction. Smoking 40-50 a day, pains in the chest, bad morning cough. Quit successfully for times, problems and depression, make relapses. Fat, make efforts to lose weight, compulsive eating reoccurs due to loneliness and depression, thwarting efforts. Feels like I'm running uphill sometimes Rant over, and if you've got this far, thanks for reading.