damn...

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by Unregisteredwhatever, Aug 3, 2007.

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  1. I don't have anything anymore besides empty, paranoid and frightening thoughts.

    I would be fine with that, except for the fact that I do have things, I suppose. I'd be ok... I just... I feel like there's nothing left to hold on to.

    I look at, I talk with, I think about the people I care about. The world. Existing. My dramatic, monotonous existence. It makes me so sad. Everything... makes me so sad.

    And I don't want to be that person whose 'pain' seems cliché, whose ideas seem unoriginal, whose compassion never seems genuine and whose only problem seems to be that s/he thinks too much.

    I could go have some fun, I could get drunk/high, take a few pills, I could go to sleep. But what then? I'll come back home, sober up, come down, wake up and it's the same thing. So "just hang on" isn't even effective anymore. Hang on for what? So what if things improve? I'll still be there.

    I don't have to be like this. And it's not that I want to. But I don't know how to get out and I don't think I have the will.

    I mean, who cares? I don't know. It's not all about me, I know. Trust me, I know. I've known. I know.

    I don't even exist. Of course, people care, or say they do... or whatever, but...

    I guess it'd be boring if I continued much longer. It would be the same damn shit that anyone else could come up with. People are bored of me anyway. I'm bored of myself. And angry, and hurting, and tired, and sick, and... I just don't want to keep whining, but I don't know what else to do. I've complained too much lately. Been too cruel. None of you've a clue how guilty that makes me feel.

    I don't know where else to turn. I don't even know why I'm posting this. I guess... even if no one responds... I just like the idea that I can make something about me real. And I won't be the only one who sees it. You can't be sure you're real if you're the only one who knows you. One must have their existence validated every-so-often, or one gets confused. I'm confused, of course.

    Probably always will be. Stop the cycle, maybe I should. Time stops for no one, so what can it hurt? Everyone's time comes up sooner later. And I don't want to be one of those people...

    I promise there's just no hope for some.

    Things were never and will never be. And I'm so tired.....

    I can't...

    I'm sorry...

    so sorry, i won't trouble anyone anymore if i can help it :(
     
  2. Allo..

    Allo.. Well-Known Member

    this is a bit out of context, but I think you would make a fabulous writer.

    Don't be sorry for saying how you feel, that's what SF is for.
    The way I see it you need a reason, something new in your life that makes you see things differently, but that's easier said than done. Anyone could have thought of that though.

    I just hope you hold on, it sounds like you plan to stick around for your family and stuff and I hope I'm right there. Feel free to contact me if you'd like to talk.

    Take care,
    Ally.
     
  3. letdown

    letdown Guest

    You feel guilty about whining but I'd say complain how much you want, whine how much you want...because ultimately, I find if I keep this things in I get sick, I try and block things out, I try to avoid how I feel. There is a way of living without escaping (I think, or so I've heard:laugh:). I suppose the problem is who will listen without running away?

    When it comes to pain, it's sometimes down to the way of expression isn't it? If you say things how they are, they will come out genuine, (your post came across as genuine) but I hear what you're saying about the fear of being everything you dislike. When I look at what you write, I get the feeling you're being incredibly hard on yourself and how you feel, and perhaps scared of expressing anything because it'd come out wrong?

    As for who caring, I feel the same way, as with "how do I know I exist?" Sometimes I think I put myself in situations where I get that no feedback to perpetuate that sick feeling of not existing. It's a very horrible feeling. But I hear you and it's okay to post here and let things out, you don't need to be sorry.

    As for the will to get out..I'm have been and perhaps still am in a similar position.

    I find that when you find the people who will validate you and will listen to you and make you feel you are living it is a lot more easier, and natural to build up that will to perhaps change or pursue ways of coping with your feelings in a way that doesn't drag you down more.

    Sorry if this came across as a load of insincere nonsense.

    No need to be sorry for being alive or feeling things.
     
    Last edited: Aug 4, 2007
  4. Somehow, I didn't think anyone would read or respond to this incoherent babble.

    Thank you guys. It's sincerely appreciated.

    Letdown, it most definitely did not come across as a load of insincere nonsense.

    Again, a dueful thanks to both of you. :hug:
     
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