Damned if I choose A and damned if I choose B....

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by mbczion, Nov 5, 2013.

  1. mbczion

    mbczion Well-Known Member

    Hello all....As many posters in this forum know, I recently got divorced and have two kids. Right now I see my kids on Friday, they sleep at my place every other Friday night, I see them on Saturday afternoon (when they don't sleep at my place on Friday night; they are with me Saturday morning as well when they sleep at my place on Friday night), and EVERY Sunday afternoon/evening, including dinner.

    Yesterday, no less than the CEO of my company approached me and said he had extra work available for me and was I ready to work on Sundays from 3pm-11pm? This would mean that I would have to give up my time on Sundays with my kids. Even if I wanted to, which I don't, the divorce agreement between my ex and I stipulates that I have the children on Sunday afternoon/evening and I wouldn't be allowed to stop taking them on Sundays w/o my ex's approval. However, even if I could get her approval (which I doubt I would, as this gives her a chance to take care of things on Sundays that she otherwise wouldn't) I don't want to give up Sundays with my kids!!!! Sundays with my kids are what keep me sane. Otherwise, I would barely see them, especially the weeks they don't sleep at my place on Friday night.

    So, I explained to the CEO (who knew I had been through a divorce) that Sundays I have my kids, it is in the agreement, and that I would barely see my kids if not for Sundays. He seemed to understand, didn't pressure me, and just said "if anything changes, let me know" and left it at that.

    I came away from that meeting feeling guilty. I felt guilty about not willing to give more of my time to the company. Part of me felt "lazy" (how lazy can I be working two jobs, but I still felt "lazy"). I am also worried that this might come back to bite me in the butt down the line.

    On the other hand, the only thing that would make me feel worse then coming off as "lazy" or a "slacker" at work is being estranged from my kids from hardly seeing them.

    In other words, I am in a damned if I do and damned if I don't situation. Feel like the worst employee or feel like the worst father. I would rather feel the former than the latter and my parents even told me I made the right decision. Nevertheless, I am still taunted by not being so sure:pullinghair:
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    You did the right thing don't doubt yourself ok YOUR children need you and that is more important YOur boss understand that for sure
  3. AsphyxiateOnMisery

    AsphyxiateOnMisery Well-Known Member

    I think you did what most people would do. I know I would. You shouldn't beat yourself up over this. Sometimes we're put into situations which something bad will come out of no matter what we do and we have to choose the lesser of two evils. It sucks, but I know I've definitely been in situations like that and so has pretty much everyone else. You just gotta do what you gotta do and keep it moving. You did the right thing.