Damnit! I'm such an idiot! I blew it again!

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by Ordep, Oct 27, 2009.

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  1. Ordep

    Ordep Well-Known Member

    I'm biggest idiot on Earth, it's scientifically proved...

    My only friend out there, who was mad at me, gives me another chance at patching up our friendship and it takes me one frickin hour to screw it up!

    I can't take this anymore! I just can't!!

    DAMNIT!! How can one be so frickin' stupid and out of control?!?!!?
    How I wish this thing was audio, cause all I feel like doing is freakin scream!

    I don't deserve chances, I don't deserve jack. I trash EVERYTHING good that comes my way!!

    DAMN YOU PEDRO FOR YOUR STUPIDITY!!!
     
  2. Tam

    Tam Well-Known Member

    Hey Pedro, what's happened?
     
  3. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support

    Heya...

    I'm quite sure, from reading other posts you have made, that you're not stupid or an idiot.

    You didn't say exactly what has happened, how you "blew it". I'll take a guess - I think maybe you've been upset and stressed for a while. And with your feelings going up and down, the "upset" has seeped into your friendship.

    First, give yourself a break. Too much stress makes everyone "react" in ways they don't always mean to or want to. Try to step back from the situation and see that you're allowed to be human. When you feel calmer, perhaps you can explain to your friend that you've been feeling kind of raw and you're not your usual self - you didn't mean to "blow it."

    A good friend will try his/her best to understand. And if a friend doesn't understand right away, these things still often just blow over and settle down again.

    I hope you can find a way to be less hard on yourself.

    :hug:
    A.
     
  4. Ordep

    Ordep Well-Known Member

    My friend (Tam: Joao) talked to me on msn, something he didn't do in ages. He was all friendly and nice, saying we haven't talked for a while and there's no point in that. Then we started talking about stuff, he even tried to pep talk me alittle.

    Then I did the last thing I should do. I have no idea what got into me but I made this stupid attempt to get him to tell me news about my ex-girlfriend without him realising that's what I was going after. It worked for a minute but then I got too "greedy" and he saw through it and flipped the pissed off switch the maximum.

    Then he started "yelling" (text yelling) at me for being an obssessive idiot, that he doesn't know what he was thinking in trying again, that he tries to be nice and patch up stuff and right away I go to feed my obsession on him and a whole bunch of stuff

    Then he left with a "Never, ever again will I try to be as kind to you as I was today, you just don't deserve it." and left.

    I got no one or anything to blame this on. I screwed up big time, I knew he doesn't like me to ask, say or think about my ex. and it pisses him off badly, but still I did it. Yay for me for being a total moron.
     
  5. Tam

    Tam Well-Known Member

    Hey you're being way too hard on yourself. At worst, it might have been an error in timing, but hell, if he's going to get that pissed off about it, it makes it pretty difficult to talk to him freely if you're forever having to monitor what you say 'just in case...'

    I suggest you message him straight back and just say sorry, make an excuse, see if you can't get chatting about other things. Better to try that than beat yourself up over it.
     
  6. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support

    :hug:

    So, you're human. I think it's pretty natural to want to know about someone we were with for a while. I don't know if your friend is correct in saying you're "obsessed" about it. I think maybe he doesn't like to see you feeling torn up and he doesn't know how to handle it except to get angry and wish you'd not talk or ask about her, even indirectly.

    Your friend also wants to help you, I'm sure. I expect he'd like you to be interested in things other than your ex so you start to move on from the loss. It doesn't seem fair that friends don't see how much we want to talk about our loss; then again, sometimes in the midst of our own feelings, maybe we don't really see what our friends want for and from us. It's hard for them too when there's been a break up and they know both "sides". It puts them in the middle where they feel like they're choosing or betraying either one of you or the other.

    I'd really try to talk to your friend again. Maybe say you didn't mean to come across as obsessed by her and that perhaps you do need to think about other things more. Then talk about other things to show him you mean it.

    But, please, Pedro, don't beat yourself up for being human, OK?

    :hug:
    A.
     
  7. Ordep

    Ordep Well-Known Member

    I appologised straight away but it didnt do much, he is really really pissed at me. When he left I was so heart-broken I texted him right away, saying I was sorry and just fell into temptation. His answer: "DUDE DROP IT! I don't wanna hear more about this! MOVE ON! I'm not talking to you about her again ever. Your're obsessed and that makes me sick. And I'm not starting a conversation with you again. You talk to me if you want."

    I dunno, I think it's pretty posible that I'm indeed obsessed with her. It's been ove a year now and I can't quite get her out of my head for a second. My friend always gets this way when I evdn imply anything about my ex. Partially because, in his own words, obsessive people makes him sick, and because she's his best friend and he won't let me monitor her life like that, because I have nothing to do with it.

    But that's actually beside the point. I've spent so many time wising he'd do exactly what he did today, and here's how I grab hold of that opportunity: By doing the one thing that sets him off... Again, like so many times before, I blew it sky high!
     
  8. Ordep

    Ordep Well-Known Member

    I just gave a whole freaking meaning to the expresion "Biting the hand that feeds"...

    I always blow it up... first my girlfriend, now my only friend, and so many people over the years... I should just stay totally and completely silent, because I don't THINK before opening my noise hole, if I did I would know it was not such a good idea to talk to my friend about my ex, since well, he always gets pissed off when I do it...

    I'm freaking tired of this feeling... It's the break up months all over again, when no matter how hard I try to make things work friendly I always end up screwing up... DAMN!

    Yes, I'm in rage mode...
     
  9. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support

    Well, I dunno for sure, but it seems to me that sometimes our thoughts and feelings linger on an ex because we haven't met someone new with equally attractive qualities. So our minds and hearts go to what we had and enjoyed before.

    It really must be a tough balance for you and your friend. You still have an interest in his friend who is your ex. He's very much caught in the middle.

    I think it may blow over after some time. Yeah, maybe he's pretty pissed off today, but if he's reasonable, he'll get over it. From his point of view, he probably just hopes that he doesn't have to keep such a tight balance forever and that's why it's tough for him to hear you're still hurting/pining for news of her.

    From a completely impartial position, I'd say maybe your best bet is to go out and do some other things to (i) get your mind off her, (ii) have other interests, (iii) have new things to talk to your friend about, and possibly, (iv) meet new people - you never know how or when the right person will come into your life.

    I know it's tougher than I'm making it sound. But you seem like a good guy, so just hold tight and you'll get through all this. :)

    :hug:
    A.
     
  10. Ordep

    Ordep Well-Known Member

    I know you're right in what you said Arcy, but today I'm just too pissed at myself. I was doing great, I was freaking overjoyed to be talking to him again. It's been MONTHS since we talked with any kind of interest from his part, and then I pull one of these off?

    I mean, if it was unnintentional or if he brought it up, that would be one thing. But this was all me, I planned this, I thought how I would place my questions so he wouldn't see through. This was dumb beyond belief, what the bloody heck was I thinking?! I was having the time of my life and I put all of that at stake just to get some half cooked news about my ex? My God that was dumb...
     
  11. Tam

    Tam Well-Known Member

    Now you're really beating yourself up! Get angry by all means, but not at yourself, maybe he needs a bit of that directed at him too (only maybe not openly, cover your back there!) It wasn't the most poliltic or friendliest of replies he gave you after all, was it? The real issue is that he doesn't understand how you are feeling, and as Acy has pointed out, he's got split loyalties, so easier for him to have a go at you than keep feeling divided.

    And all is not lost, you say that he said it's down to you to get in touch with him, which means he hasn't written you off at all. But take his words, don't wait for him to get in touch with you next time, you do it first. Also, maybe let it cool until after Friday, after your exams are over. You don't need this right now - put it in the box with thoughts of her, just for the next few days.
     
  12. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support

    ^ *agrees with Tam*
     
  13. Ordep

    Ordep Well-Known Member

    I'm gonna do just that, I can't fix this, not now at least. It's no use, might as well work on what can be worked on.

    His loyalties are split yes, but what goes against me is that my ex will always get the upper hand as she's the best friend, I'm just a friend among many. That alone makes things difficult sometimes.

    Thanks for the support Arcy and Tam, much appreciated.
     
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