This weekend my sisters came down with my neice and nephew ~ I wanted to talk to them both but it went horrible wrong. Whilst in WH Smith on Saturday my older sister mentioned books on abuse that I was looking at, she said they depressing and the one's about daddy's little girls was too much for her to deal with and she's happy living in denial. My old man didn't just abuse me he did her as well. When I was playing with my neice and nephew or given them a hug, or talking to them all I could think of was this will be the last time I hear them, feel them, or see them when I said goodbye to them and my sisters it was me saying goodbye forever. The one thing that is stopping me killing myself is surviving and having to face them. I thought about jumping in front of a train, or off a very high bridge but I don't want to injure, kill or traumtise someone else, just myself.