Dangerous... **trigger**

Discussion in 'After Effects' started by mfrieler, Jul 18, 2007.

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  1. mfrieler

    mfrieler Active Member

    Well last summer, I triggered really bad...and when I did, well, it was horrible.

    First off I had never cut before in my life. I was sooo against it, I thought people who did it, did it for attention (Oh man I regret that stupid generalization). Well anyway...I triggered horribly...

    I took a steak knife and I just cut myself all over my arms, really bad...I just sawed it because it wasn't sharp enough. It hurt but it just felt, well...orgasmic. =/ Like everything was going away....

    But it didn't...

    15 minutes later I went into my bathroom and grabbed a bunch of sleeping pills...I don't remember how many I took, but I woke up in my bed about 17 hours later and I felt really sick. My blanket was covered in blood and I was really grateful that my mother didn't find me. It was dangerous what I did, and I really just don't know who I was that night. It's scary what it can do to you...

    Ever since then I have never attempted suicide or self-harmed, but I'm not sure if I wouldn't if I felt that way again? Every summer I get depressed, and last night I cried my eyes out for the first time this summer, and it was horrible. Almost as bad as when I attempted.

    So yeah, that's my story..;-/
     
  2. kath

    kath Well-Known Member

    Hey welcome to the forum.im sorry youve had such a hard time and i can understand you worrying about it happening again.What you experience seems really horrible.i certainly know what you mean when you say its interesting how the way you feel feel can change or affect you or your behaviour as a person.......so you dont really know who you are anymore at that moment.i feel that often when im feeling bad.i have changed slo much.......into this person i do not like.i hope that you find friendship and support here.i think you will find people who can understand here.And relate to you.Please keep sharing with us if it helps and also feel free to PM me anytime if ever you want to talk privately.i hope you arent having too much of a tough time right now.

    Take care
    kath
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 19, 2007
  3. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    Re: Dangerous... *trigger**

    Depression can do all sorts of things to our minds. It can change our actions, our behaviors, Our personalitie, just about everything about us becomes different and we no longer know who we are. Do you have a support system where you are? You are more than welcome to stay here and let us support you in any way we can. If your depression gets to the point you cannot handle it, please do not be afraid to seek professional help. I hope to see you more around the forum. :hug:
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 19, 2007
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