My self esteem has been getting the better of me for many years now. Even though im in my early twenties I feel worse then I did about my self then I did when I was 16. I set very high standards for myself in 2 main categories. Career and physical appearance. My job is dead end right now and I don't want to have to go back to the military. Thank you shitty econonmy. My MAIN gripe is about my body. I'm six foot three inches and im a body builder. Even though ppl say I have a good physique ill never be satisfied until I look like the fitness models in the magazines. Im tired of the saying "there's always someone better " For once I want to be that guy. But I don't want to take androgenic anabolic steroids. Secondly, I hate my penis. Even though it falls within the "normal" male white adult size range. I know I can't be alone on this matter. I hate it when I hear female friends talk about how big their ex lovers are. I have no clue how to even begin accepting my self for who I am. Just settling for me is the equivalent to giving up. Ill give up when im dead. And that seems to be the route that im on right now. Because lately its just becoming too much for me to bear. And talking about it with peers would just been too embarrassing even though they may be understanding. I know the rational answers to my problems but coming to terms with them is near impossible. Ive already thought of hurting myself and it seems like a matter of time before I do something bad. Any advice is appreciated.