I know there are a million and one things that a million and one different people want me to be. But I can’t even manage to just be me right now or for a long time since. And some things have changed that can’t be reversed. Those who want reversion have come too late, those who want revision, will just have to wait. Those that want that lemon clause, didn’t read the manual right. There is no manual— as a point of fact. I’m fighting so hard. These aren’t shots in the dark that I’m taking; they’re shots at the dark. I brawl in a place beyond sight taking blows to the chin from intangible foes My own mind and body blended and battling, Judas and anathema. Days stretch into years and the waves knock me over in infinite repetition. Down is up and up may well be down but I keep on finding the surface and crawling to my feet. Don’t belittle this fight. I have been drowning for longer than you have deigned to love me, and I dare you to dance with this ocean of monsters and find your way back to your feet.