Dark place

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Faralone, Dec 19, 2011.

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  1. Faralone

    Faralone New Member

    The only thing that is keeping me alive right now is my dog, tucker.......I am1700 mils from home with no friends and no family, I have gotten old, gained weight, not the pretty young thing I once was. My husband is mad and hasn't talked to me now for 3 days. I feel really lost and totally alone. I have absolutely no money and no way t get home and no way to support myself if I got there. I feel as if I am just existing, I am not contributing to society at all.....I'm just nothing, and really, if I die, no one really is going to care, I mean they will be upset but manage just fine, I think it'll be worse on my middle son......I have extremely high cholesterol and had a mini stroke (TIA) a couple of months back...if i were to take out a life insurance policy on myself...in one of my sons name, it would be enough to cremate me and get out here to get my personal things, and get back....all I have to do is stop taking my meds and eat myself literally to death....then it wouldn't be "natural causes" and the money would pay out........I'm just so lost, alone and dark
     
  2. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    We all get old and in my case wieght gain as well.
    I guess we just have to come to terms with not being the pretty young things we once were.
    However, age does have its compensations, for one thing, being less worried about what every tom, dick and harry think of us.
    Husband mad? as in insane or angry?
    Is he violent?
    If its just anger, maybe break the ice and speak to him?
    Would one of your children take you in if you really need to leave?
    if husband is violent there is always a battered wives shelter, but I'd speak to one of your children first.
     
  3. Faralone

    Faralone New Member

    He's not violent, this whole thing started over something so silly...he knows lately I have been having suicidal thoughts......he is being so unreasonable and now says he doesn't KNOW IF HE WANTS TO STAY MARRIED TO ME "LIKE" THIS...We never argue, I don't really know what his issues is....I have no way to get home, no money nothing........i just want to give up, I see no point in continuing this roller coaster life I always live...it's not worth it
     
  4. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    Well thats just lovely :dry:
    What a time to say a thing like that!
    Have you seen your doc? maybe some anti-depressants could help you over the worst.
     
  5. Faralone

    Faralone New Member

    I am on anti depressants....can't go tot he Dr, no insurance...have applied for Disability but that could take forever......I feel close to just ending it...I see no way out of this one at all. No money, no place to go, 1800 miles from home, I don't think anybody really care or gives, I just worry about my aniamls
     
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