dark thoughts

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by swimmergirl, Mar 17, 2013.

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  1. swimmergirl

    swimmergirl Well-Known Member

    I spend 90 percent of my waking hours thinking about how to end my life, no one knows what kind of horrible dark shit is in my head, i am afraid to tell them, afraid of sounding completely batshit crazy. I saw my psychiatrist friday, didn't say a word, but felt like I was screaming inside "I am going to kill myself, please stop me", but the words never came out. THe ambivalence is hard to take. Feel like I will attempt just to make the thoughts stop. I need help, but I am afraid to tell anyone. How do I get past this? It hurts so much to live like this. I have a psychiatrist, a therapist, and they don't have a fucking clue what is really going on. I am such a joke.
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    You are not a joke hun what you do hun as print off what you wrote here and give it to your therapist you pdoc and that way you will get support you need ok hugs
  3. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    I am so sorry things are so bad and painful for you now. I know its a scary thought to consider telling one of them. But it might be the very best thing you ever could have done. So you can get the help that can set you free from some of this pain.

    I have an idea I would like to throw out to you. Do you think it would be possible for people here to work with you to support you to find a way to tell your therapist or psychiatrist? Together, you and some of us might come up with the way that would be the least scary of all the ways. And then we could sort of hold your hand ( here at sf) through the process. I would be willing to do that. if you would like. I would be a support person to help you to write or speak those words.

    edit: I just read total Eclipse's idea. Do you think that might be possible? With some support from me and perhaps others?
  4. Mayflower7

    Mayflower7 Banned Member

    Hi Swimmergirl,
    I am so sorry you're going though this, you are not crazy. It really is okay to ask for help.
    Well done for visiting your Dr and therapist, like others suggested try writing down and taking.
    I hope life is kinder to you, take care.
  5. swimmergirl

    swimmergirl Well-Known Member

    i can't do it.
  6. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    I hear ya. Can you tell us here what you would be afraid of if they did know?

    I have known many people who could not speak the words to therapists or a psychiatrist. They would just sort of drop a hint or two
  7. swimmergirl

    swimmergirl Well-Known Member

    i told them. they did nothing, just stop taking your prozac. that's it. this is why i didn't want to tell anyone. because there's nothing anyone can do. im done trying, everyone is sick of me anyways, it's better if i just die.
  8. skinnylove911

    skinnylove911 Well-Known Member

    Hey would it be worth writing down your your thoughts and giving it to your psych/therapist and then that would open the conversation please note he/she may consider a psychatric unit or call your crisis team. If they do suggest an IP unit of some description, then please say yes and take it with a pinch of salt/gold dust. its your wayof your dark hole and into depression recovery x
  9. lizlovex

    lizlovex Member

    Im feeling the same way hun.
  10. skinnylove911

    skinnylove911 Well-Known Member

    sending you lots of hugs.

    Just remember you are not alone.
    I will always be there to help you.
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