Dark world full of shades

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Jehuty, May 16, 2009.

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  1. Jehuty

    Jehuty Senior Member

    I won't be able to hold on much longer.

    Everything only get's worse and no one seems to understands.
    No one seems to realise that I just can't do it.

    Why am I alway's on the dark and painfull side of life.
    The nights are just endless and I keep crying, afraid to sleep.
    Wanting to die and to end it all.

    Everyone keeps saying that it will be alright but what if it won't?
    What if I lost that strenght to keep going?
    I guess when I'm gone things indead will be alright.
    I'm just the failure no one cares, who isn't good enough.

    So sick and tired of living for false hope, for dreams that will never happen.
    Sick of cutting and losing blood, sick of the pain and nightmares.
    Been suicidal for over 10 years, I don't want to face another 10 years.
    It's just me people say, I'm not immature enough or something.
    Well it's not my fault I never lived as a happy child, I grew up in fear and suicidal.

    I need to get out of here, somewhere far away.
    Where people don't hurt me
    Where my past doesn't exists.
    Where nothing matters.
    I thought I found that place but it won't let me back.
    It's just me and this dark world full of shades.
  2. Jehuty

    Jehuty Senior Member

    Take care everyone. :hug: :cry:
  3. ~Claire

    ~Claire Well-Known Member


    I wish I had something to say that could help you or make you feel better.

    Please don't do anything to harm yourself. Please stay & talk to us!

    :hug: xx
  4. Jehuty

    Jehuty Senior Member

    Ah well, it doesn't even matter anymore.
  5. poisonedresistance

    poisonedresistance Well-Known Member

    hey J

    Has somthing happened?
  6. Jack Rabbit

    Jack Rabbit Well-Known Member

    It does matter. In ways you can't imagine. You've heard of the butterfly effect? Chaos rules the world. A butterfly flapping his wings in Beijing may cause a hurricane in the Gulf of Mexico 3 years later. The math is real, and for all we know the butterfly may actually prevent the hurricane - it's just not as dramatic.
    You touch lives.
    You don't see it,
    because you are looking for reflections
    Not ripples.
    But reflections are just glitter
    Light fractured
    Going nowhere so fast.
    The ripples bring oxygen
    To algae caught in an eddy
    Somewhere else a paramecium is swept out of the reach of hungry rotifer.
    It happens each time your finger touches the surface
    Because you are trying to touch the sun.
  7. shades

    shades Staff Alumni

    Hello J./ We're just starting to get to know one another. Send me a private message please, so that we can continue.

  8. Vitreledonellidae

    Vitreledonellidae Well-Known Member

    mr cheesehead :mad: I know its hard to keep holding on especially after your relation. But here on SF you can notice the proof that things will get better, but you cant just wait for feeling better, you need to work for it. Ive noticed when people get a hobbie, drawing, poetry, biking, whatever you prefer, they feel a lot better after a while. Im sure you think about suicide/death constantly and if you got something to do, youre able to break that suicide pattern and see other things and not only suicide. Are you on meds? Or help? You should try that too. Youre so deep in that depression now that its hard to get out of it on your own, meds and therapy are a good push to get out of that deep black hole. I know that all what i just said sounds stupid and you will think it will never help you, but ive been where you are and it really is possible to feel better. I wish i could say it all more motivating, but im no good with words. Just please keep holding on, try everything there is to get out of this shit. If there is anything i can do just ask
    take care :smile:
  9. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Jehuty there are many paths you can go down, some good and some bad.. Explore them until you find the one that will lead you out of that dark hole your in..As Julie said meds and therapy do work you just have to give them a chance.. It took me two years of therapy before I started to see the changes in me..I've been in therapy for four years and have made progress but I still have a long way to go..It takes time but it is worth the effort..
  10. Jehuty

    Jehuty Senior Member

    It's all so pointless.
    Right now I'm nothing.
    I start to live when I die.
    When I'm dead atleast I'll be a memory.
    The more days pass the more I start to believe that this is my duty.
    I know it really sounds stupid but I'm starting to believe in that so badly.
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