My apologies, first, that this is my first post here. Under "normal" circumstances, I'd post something cheerful and introductory. These are not normal times. I'm 27, I live with my boyfriend. We share a house with my boyfriend's best friend, his wife and their 5 year old. My boyfriend and the male roomie also play in a band together. 6 years ago, I had a son with my ex. My ex was highly abusive, and I finally had to leave. The night I left, I had to run out on foot, leaving my son with him. He's a good parent, so I didn't fight for custody. I believe that the parent that can care for the child the best should have custody. That's him. Unfortunately, because of the abuse and my financial stuff, I'm unable to see my son. Most of the time, I'm ok with that, because it's the best place for him. I pay my child support on time- until we moved and I had to quit my job. I've been trying to get another job since then but it's not going well. Now I have a court date about being behind on my support payments. (I'm about 3mo. behind) About the same time I was notified of the court date, my grandfather died. He molested me at a young age. My family-who knows about the abuse and sided with him- wanted me to go to the funeral. I didn't go, I felt like I couldn't take it. My facebook feed was filled with memorials for this man. Then my boyfriend gets into an accident. He's a delivery driver. It was a rainy night, he's on a delivery. He didn't see the suv in front of him had stopped. He slammed into them, his car goes underneath the bottom of theirs. Thankfully nobody's hurt, but his car is in bad shape. His parents pay for repairs, now he's got a court date about that. I've been having panic attacks, crying spells. I finally got up the nerve to get a therapist. My therapist is reccommending a psychologist too, so I can get back on meds. That appointment is two weeks out. I caught myself googling what would happen if I overdosed on Synthroid today. (I'm hypothyroid) The only person I can talk to is my boyfriend-and I know this overwhelms him. I tried to call the local helpline, and they told me to "just go to the hospital if it's THAT bad". I feel like I can't continue. The ONLY reason I haven't taken those pills is my boyfriend. Shouldn't I have more reasons than that?! Thanks for listening to a newbie. If this is inapproprate, or in the wrong spot, move it or delete it.