date for it

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by SamCollit, Nov 5, 2011.

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  1. SamCollit

    SamCollit Member

    i love fireworks night, cold crisp air, gloves, sparklers, childrens faces of wonderment, pretty lights in the sat home alone because i have no one to go out with...

    im going to write my letter tonight or tomorrow, draft it on computer and then handwrite it and date it...and just keep it for when i need it.

    im really quite scared about passing away but i kinda think of it as a holiday, it does make me cry though. so is setting a date a good thing, i want something at long long long last i can look fgorward to, but its quite daunting, what if relax because of the date and then dont go through with it...before ir after xmas? might make it before, say mid december when xmas gets exciting but just before you realise another year has passed, im still an unwanted freak and ive got god knows how many more to date or no date...or just do it now...what do we think?:i'm sorry:
  2. may71

    may71 Well-Known Member

    you recognize things in life that you love... sounds like maybe you could be happy (happier) if you could just change your circumstances.

    you don't need anyone else to go with you if you want to go some place. it's nice to have a friend along, but please don't make yourself a martyr to someone else's idea of what's acceptable.

    you can probably connect with other people, it just may take some effort to find people that you want to connect with

    some of how you feel could be seasonal, and you might want to check with an md if you have a vitamin d3 deficiency, or similar medical condition

    do you think you know why you are socially isolated?
  3. under1

    under1 Member

    I respect your decision but dont act with too much haste. Personally I set a date but as soon as I was about to kick the chair I freaked out and stopped. I think I was too scared about the pain. I think these things should happen in the moment when it feels right, when you are certain its time to go. I'm waiting until the next time I feel like I've hit rock bottom and I can face the pain.
    I'm sorry it had to end like this, but know that you are not alone. Best of luck in the future.
  4. S8pxph

    S8pxph Active Member

    You shouldn't set a date for it. When that day comes, one of two things will happen: you will either go through with it, or you won't (whether you decide not to or the attempt fails). Either way, the outcome is not good. You must have joined this site to get help, so please just give it a little time. Instead of attempting, why not come on here and post a thread? It will help you vent, and you'll get support. I'm alone a lot, too. It can be hard, but I know that some day things will be better. Try to hang in there <3
  5. SamCollit

    SamCollit Member

    thank u for your remarks, yes i do want help, although in all honesty i do not beleive that is possible, i cant be changed significantly enough to be able to fit in.

    i am not a recluse, i cant get what i need from friendships, and have always felt like a freak, outside of the normal social interractions. theres no point in going on by only seems to haver meaning with others.

    my real issue is my total lack of personal relationships, my gut churns every time i get the same feelings i had in adolescence which still are with me now, i find it difficult to make new friends, to relate properley to people and it kiils me, or at least it will do, im 32 and have tried many diferent techniques, many different times to make changes, and failed each and every time, failed, m y behaviour becomes more and more unacceptable, and as time goes by i will only get worse, i would love to see and counsellor, but cant afford it, dont know how to find one, not sure i trust one, im just gonna go to bed
  6. Jones

    Jones Member

    This may sound cliche, but is there anything that you actually enjoy doing from time to time? I have little nerd hobbies that once I immersed myself in them, I met so many people who share my interests, and who happen to have some of the same underlying circumstantial/emotional problems. Through a stupid hobby, I found a whole bunch of people who actually get me, and I met not only my best friend, but the person I ended up loving more than the world there. I'm very isolated, very alone due to various circumstances, but I have her, and she also suffers from chronic depression, so when I'm having an off day, she's actually there and understanding and patient about my situation.

    We finally met irl a few months ago, spent a week together, and it was the happiest week of both our lives. Yesterday, when I was feeling absolutely suicidal, the thing that kicked me out of it was her saying, "I respect your decision, but I really wish you'd stay around so you can live with me one day." Broke my damn heart.

    Rambling. But my point is that you obviously have the internet since you're here, and there are so many things to do, so many people to connect with. Don't listen to normalists who tell you that forming friendships solely on the internet is unhealthy. I've honestly met people here who are more amazing than anyone I would've initially met irl.
  7. Autumn01

    Autumn01 Well-Known Member

    I'm 32 also.
  8. EmotionalItch

    EmotionalItch Member

    I feel ya...
  9. SamCollit

    SamCollit Member

    thanks loads :):smile:

    im not a loser am i?
  10. may71

    may71 Well-Known Member

    free or low cost counseling is sometimes available. you might be eligible for govt. sponsored insurance

    you might be able to find a community counseling center or clinic on-line

    trust is an issue, but if you find someone who is good for you, you can build trust over time

    worth the effort, I think
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