Dating again...

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by hopeful_changes, Jun 11, 2013.

  1. Hello Everyone,

    For those of who who haven't read parts of my story as I have posted it over the last couple of days; I have recently destroyed my 7 year common law relationship. We're starting to move forward without eachother (i.e. dating and so forth).

    I'm finding it difficult to transition from being in a relationship, and having certain expectations of support and involvement in my life to being in casual "dating relationships," where that expectation isn't there and it isn't fair to the people I date for me to expect that from them.

    I have been trying very hard not to let those feelings have any bearing on our interactions but I have been conditioned, over a period of time, to feel that. I am dating someone right now who is very positive, and has been a great influence on my personal positivity. Things are not serrious right now, although I am enjoying her company. But not having that connection is making me feel rejected, and I am having moments of panic and anxiety and I am trying not to reach out to her, or explain this to her because it isn't appropriate in my opinion. If things progress further than my issues with depression will have to be a topic of discussion but right now it isn't fair for me to put that on her.

    I guess I am just looking for some suggestions in how to deal with how I am feeling... How do I take things easy and not put so much importance on a simple dating interaction while still taking it serrious enough to show that I am interested? I am very out of practice and am conflicted about how to handle this.

  2. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Hi Hopeful...ending a relationship may be a death, of sorts, and which is sure to have influences on your present dating...the best way to keep any relationships the healthiest possible is to work on yourself...also, make sure you have support other than the person you are dating so you have other avenues to discuss how you are feeling...please keep posting as this is one place people will understand
  3. marklondon

    marklondon Well-Known Member


    Sorry I'm responding to your message so late, but I only just saw it.

    I've gone through something very similar in the past couple of years, after the devastating end of an 8 year relationship (devastating mainly because the whole thing turned out to be a lie). I've had a lot of flings in the last 2 years, but the only times it's come close to being something that would turn into a relationship, I completely messed it up, in large part because I still had the old, leftover patterns that come from being in a very long relationship. It's too easy to miss what you had, and want to have it back, quickly, with the next person who comes along--a deep connection, profound mutual understanding and support. All I can say is, be patient with yourself. It will take time, maybe a couple of years, before you get that out of your system and can start doing things at a normal pace again. You'll probably have to learn through mistakes, as I did. It's ok -- it's not your fault, it's just the nature of the situation.