Dating someone out of a long relationship

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by Snake, Jul 16, 2013.

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  1. Snake

    Snake Well-Known Member

    So I like this girl (what a surprise!), but she got out of an 8 year long relationship early this year. She's two years older than me and apparently just sees me as a friend.

    We've been sharing lots of time together... along with some other people, so no "just the two of us" moments. I don't think she's attracted to me, but I really suck at knowing when a woman is attracted to me so...

    Anyway, something tells me I shouldn't even attempt to date her because:
    A) She may still have feelings for her ex
    B) She just wants to be alone
    C) We're work buddies

    I've know her since last year. She's a strong-willed woman, an artist with a youthful aura (I called her a "Strawberry Kid" and she told me she's not a "strawberry" but she's definetly a "kid"). I haven't shown my feelings toward her, although two weeks ago she fell asleep on my sofa, and since I noticed she was freezing, I went ahead and gently put a cover on top of her, without waking her up, so she could stay warm. Her cousin saw me and went ahead and said "awww, how lovely".
    So even though she hasn't seen me making advances toward her, some people have. Though I'd would've done the same if it was somebody else.

    I know most of her family: some of her cousins, her brothers and her parents. I liked her old man and he was very friendly towards me, letting me play his guitar and joking around the first time I met him.

    I should mention now that I always fool around when I'm around her, always play jokes on her and she reacts positively to them. I found out she likes fudge covered oreos so for a week I hid oreos around her home and she totally loved it. I scared her when I told her all serious "What's that in your hair" and I began mess her hair and she was like "Oh god, what do I have on it!?" and then I pulled out an oreo and gave it to her. "Here, this was in it" and she laughed and made her usual huge smile.

    So before this turns into a ramble and this message gets deleted or something I ask advice. What should I do? some people have told me that is hard for any woman or man to get over such long relationships, others tell me that they get over fast when they meet someone better than their last partner... I'm in no way think I'm better than the other guy (he has a freaking car, I don't even know how to drive!).

    What would you girls do? I accept advice from both guys and girls, but I'll take more consideration in the opinions of female members, mostly if they're in their late 20's or early 30's.
  2. broke

    broke Well-Known Member

    I am probably not the person for any kind of relationship advice but I can't help it. Reading your post through to the end it looks like you have a real good sense of exactly what to do and when, and maybe self-doubt or obsessing a little about it is clouding your perceptions. I would throw out a "feeler" and see what happens. In other words, make a gesture or comment that if responded to in a positive way will tel you ya she is interested, and if responded to in a negative way will tell you she is not interested but without any negative repercussions. Having a general conversation with her about relationships is a start. If "a woman" is receptive she will seem all about starting a new one, "just waiting for the right person to ask me out". If she is like, "I want nothing to do with any kind of relationship for a long long time, but can use people who are JUST FRIENDS" means a no. Because, I think, in the end when we talk about general situations and general people with another person, we are really talking about ourselves and them as a kind of extended analogy. Most people pick up on this even if they don't realize it, imo. Good luck!
  3. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    Give her time!
    I may no longer be in my 20's and 30s are a distant memory, but if she truly cared for her ex, then she needs time, space and a friend (not a boyfriend).
    If it's meant to be, then it will be.
  4. prakash

    prakash Well-Known Member

    very good advice by "broke".
  5. Snake

    Snake Well-Known Member

    Thanks for the advice broke, although I don't like to admit it, I may be obssessing about small details indeed. Though not as much as before.

    I should probably mention that her ex hasn't show his face in any of the places she has performed, though I believe they're still in contact although little.
    I really hate having to say that, it's not my bussiness or anybody else's, but maybe it'll help on my situation.

    You know? this post was triggered just because I dreamed about her, and in the dream she was with somebody else, not her ex but someone completly different... I'm afraid I'll lose my chance if I don't take it soon.
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