Daughters crisis is worse

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by kittyD, May 15, 2008.

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  1. kittyD

    kittyD Well-Known Member

    Hi,
    I'm so glad that I've joined this list, the anonymity makes me feel safe sharing.
    Yesterday morning , Dev told me that she taken 25 of her pills and she was sick. She puked on an off and slept all day and night. Even though I know I was enabling, I didn't call her doc. It would break my heart to see my baby girl in the psych ward. We talked a lot about it, a friend of ours was quite blunt with her about when he had tried and the consequnces of puking up liquid charcoal. Her best friend blasted her on msn.
    She admitted to me that she hadn't been serious just curious. We tried to explain to her about how many spirits are out there wishing they could c come back becuase they too had been just curious.
    Her dad and I talked today about our next steps. One being that I keep all meds locked up temp., two being that he would go to any counselling with her, and so on.
    Apparently her brother, whos been the centre of her life from day one, told ther that she couldn't kill herself, because then he'd have to too, cause their dad would drink himself to death, and I'd just lie down to sleep and never get up. And that her mental Jack Russell wouldn't let the ambulance guys in the house. And then neither of them would get their dads firebird (guys, I know).
    I did call the pharm and doc to tell them I'd mistakenly poured her script out, and agreed that it would be easier to have only a week at a time.
    She knows that I'm on this site, and I leave without signing out, so shes free to see anything I've written as well as anything else here.
    sigh, back to reality.
    kD
     
  2. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    i think it's a mistake to not tell the doctor. first of all, they'd want to do some blood work to make sure that her organs aren't damaged in any way. secondly, whatever treatment she's now receiving doesn't seem to be working, whether it's meds, or talk therapy, or whatever. the fact that she attempted makes this very, very serious.

    there's no reason that she would automatically be admitted to the psych ward for feeling suicidal, i've been in a similar crisis and wasn't admitted. instead they were able to set me up with a crisis team. and, just because *you* don't want her in the psych ward (based on what, i'm not really clear about) doesn't mean that it's not the best place for her at the moment.

    i guess this is a sensitive topic for me because my mother knew about my first attempt (i was 17 at the time) and she didn't get me any help. it's taken alot of time and therapy, now, to get over that hurt. you know what i thought for all those years? that i wasn't *worth* helping.

    there are some things that families can do - and i know you are doing those - the unconditional love, the help with getting to appointments, the cheerleading, the practical support, the safe place to call home.

    there are some things that you need professionals for - that would be the recovery from mental illness.
     
  3. shazzer

    shazzer Well-Known Member

    I have to agree with Dazzle that you should tell the doctor as your daughter needs to have blood tests done to check she hasn't damaged any of her organs. I have overdosed many times and have damaged my kidneys as a result. And the fact that she has tried is a worry and the docs should be made aware of it. She wouldn't necessary be admitted to the psych ward for taking the pills I've been admitted sometimes to the psych ward after overdosing and other times they haven't the psychiatrist has let me go when I've been treated in hospital for the od. The doctors need to know everything in order to give your daughter the best help and I don't think you should keep it from them.take care
     
  4. shazzer

    shazzer Well-Known Member

    I'vjust read your other post and realised that your daughter is only 14. You really do need to make the doctors aware of what happened. 25 pills is a lot to take a that age she obviously needs more help than she is getting
     
  5. janie

    janie Well-Known Member

    it sounds like you guys do care about ur daughter alot and have a very close family relationship. I know the last place i would've went to was my parents about this if it happened to me back when i was that age. hopefully ur daughter sees this too and i hope you guys get each other through this soon
     
  6. kittyD

    kittyD Well-Known Member

    As I said, I know I was being enabling. She's just started taking her meds, and has her first appt on 23rd with family doc and their social worker. I guess I'm afraid because I had a friend who took pills and saw what she went through from er to the ward and I didn't want Dev to suffer that. I'm not trying to make excuses, rather to explain my thought processes.
    So by today, she's feeling better physically at least, no more tummy ache, pupils back to normal, no more bile coming up. Her dad called and got her out of bed around 1, and she's out with him for the day, we'll see how that goes. My thought is to simply keep her as reassured as we possibly can, and keep talking until she gets to her appt.
    She does know that both her dad and I are solid on consequnces and that if she tried anything again right now, that we would have no qualms on calling the doc, ambulance etc. We've always given our kids one chance at a f*ckup, and this was hers.
    kD
     
  7. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    calling the paramedics or taking her to the hospital, or even to your GP is not a punishment, which is what you imply with the 'actions equal consequences' angle. it's
    about getting her some medical assistance. hopefully she will tell the doctor and social worker herself when she sees them.

    i often make the broken leg analogy. would you ask her to try and fix that herself, or would you take her for an x=ray to see if it's a sprain or a break, then maybe get a cast, arrange fo physio after the cast comes off in order to start working those muscles again.

    as someone who has fought depression before, you know how easy it is to lie to those around us, and to those we love. you hope she won't attempt again, and you hope that this was a one time, impulsive act. but what if it wasn't? what if she is getting ready to try again?

    the 23rd is a long way off. an attempt should be taken seriously, and should also move her to the top of the queue.
     
  8. shazzer

    shazzer Well-Known Member

    I know you think your doing the right thing by your daughter but are you. You've told her that if she tried it again you would call the docs which is what should happen at any time, but who's to say she would tell you when she knows thats what you'll do she may hide it from you. How would you feel if god forbid she took another one and you didn't know and you found her dead or she had damaged her organs and maybe it could off been avoided by reporting the first one. How are the doctors able to help her if they don't kow the full facts of what is going on. I don't mean to sound harsh at the end of the day she's your daughter and you have to do what you think is in her best interests. I've had to learn the hard way about overdoses since I damaged my kidneys through it and know I will need dialysis at some stage as my kidney function continue to go down. I wouldn't want anyone else to have to go through that its a daily reminder of what I've done.
    She may say she was only curious when she took then and didn't want to die how do you know thats true how do you know it wasn't a real attempt as when you are depressed you don't always tell your loved ones how you really feel or that you feel suicidal you keep things from people. Your daughter needs help now its not about punishing her for something she's done wrong this is her life your talking about. Please don't wait till the 23rd it could be too late by them and just because she feels ok physically now doesn't mean she is some drugs can cause damage days or a week after the overdose
     
  9. ~PinkElephants~

    ~PinkElephants~ Senior member

    By enabling your daughter you are sending her mixed messages. The first message being that you love her and don't want to see her suffer in a psych ward or suffer in life. The second message is basically telling her that b/c you won't call the docs or er that it's okay to take the pills. I know you love your daughter and I can see it in your words but then end result might not be exactly what you thought. What happens if one night out of curiousity she takes pills and goes a little too far? What happens if you aren't there to save her? At 14 she's still a baby and yes she feels life is a constant struggle but in 10 years she might view things differently and if she does succeed in killing herself she won't be able to find that out.
     
  10. kittyD

    kittyD Well-Known Member

    Thank you all.
    Its very difficult being honest with someone and I'm glad you are being so with me. Its very hard to write without sounding like I'm defensive or justifying.
    I'm really on both sides of this fence, here I am thinking that it would be so much easier to leave and trying to convince my own child for the reasons not to. Talk about a catch-22.
    At this point we are just trying to keep her talking, I beleive that one of our best defenses is that she'll talk to us. I've locked away all meds harmful or not. And we're giving her space but constantly chekcing in with her. We've moved the computer just off the kitchen so shes not isolating on that. I've given her the numbers for both the crisis team she had spoke to earlier while I was searching for assistnace as well as the hotline numbers. I've decided to not renew her meds until we talk to the docs, shes on effexor which states that suicide thoughts can be a side effect.
    Again thank you all for being honest with us and caring.
    kD
     
  11. nedflanders

    nedflanders Well-Known Member

    Sure it is. Having been there myself, no one ever looks at you the same.
     
  12. kittyD

    kittyD Well-Known Member

    Well,
    Our docs appt is tomorrow, I am going to tell the doc the truth and my reasoning for it. Dev has just been sleeping a lot and chatting with her friends online. I did im her best friend to ask her to let me know if she got more worried about Dev, and told her that it was at her discretion to let Dev know about our chat. A few days later Dev asked me about it, so I told her but also assured her that I would only contact that one friend. :unsure:
    So now its just the waiting game, I hope so much that talking with the counsellor will start off well.
    Thanks for your support and honesty.
    kD
     
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