it is dawn...and again I am awake and still. I am still. I wish this were not true. I cannot go and cannot stay. Eternal limbo of the worst kind in so many ways. I do not want to be here..in this house, in this place, in this mind, in this limbo, in this body. Why can't I be free again? I do not understand why I am hurting so much and nothing I try seems to help it ease. The lure to do something, anything to change this is very great as the sky turns from black, to grey, to pink to light blue. I am tired just watching... I am so tired of this fight and of this life. I contaminate, destroy, maim, sully. Useless breaths to sustain. I am tired and it is dawn...again.