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Day and night

Discussion in 'Rape and Abuse' started by na-taya, Mar 6, 2016.

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  1. na-taya

    na-taya Well-Known Member

    My days have flashback.
    My nights have dreams.

    I'm avoiding sleep its 6.30am n i still havnt slept the sun is coming up.

    I'm tied but not just from lack of sleep.

    I want to apologize and I want then to understand how bad i didn't want to do it.....

    But i can't and ill never be able to ill have to live with this until i put a stop to myself.....

    I'm exhausted
  2. Jabez

    Jabez Well-Known Member

    Hi na-taya;
    I'm so very sorry for your experience and for how you are feeling now. I know it is so hard, but please hold on. I'm thinking of you. You don't ever need to apologise - it was not your fault, you did not want this. I hope you have someone who is helping you to work through these horrible feelings. Please be gentle with yourself.
    Hugs to you. J
  3. ThePhantomLady

    ThePhantomLady Safety and Support SF Supporter

    I am so sorry you're feeling so bad.

    It is never your fault, hun. There is nothing at all that you should apologize for.
    Please take care of yourself, reach out.
    Does your doctor know how much you struggle with sleeping? It would do you good to get some help to get some more sleep. The sad truth is that the less you sleep the more vulnerable you become.

    I understand if you're scared to sleep because of the nightmares, that was my life in high school... I wouldn't sleep for days, not until I finally passed out. It was not the right approach though, and I wish I had asked for help. Let yourself be helped hun. Be kind to yourself
    Northern likes this.
  4. na-taya

    na-taya Well-Known Member

    Its hard to explain without going into detail but I want to apologize to the children i hurt as a child. I want to tell them i didn't want to and im sorry I don't want them to see me as an abuser but that's exactly what I had to do.

    I have a mental health team but am due to be discharged from them end of semester if everything goes well with uni.

    I'm trying to get out from under mental health so they dont get blamed for not doing their job when I finall do end it in the future.

    So I'm keeping it all to myself and just waiting for the day....I just have to get through till then but sometimes I'm not sure if i can

    Thanks so much for your time and response
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