Days roll on

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Aaron1F, Oct 9, 2016.

  1. Aaron1F

    Aaron1F Well-Known Member

    The days roll on and others seem and look so happy and contented. Going about their daily lives with what seems such easy with complicated issues. Would be stupid and naive to think that was all true but that's how it appears. For me the world is slowing down and it gets so much harder to function or enjoy the things we once did.Sad fact is I've destroyed family life by withdrawing and wanting to be alone and in active.For Two years I was so bad I wasn't able to work. Classed as having depression and Ptsd from my days whilst serving in the Fire and Rescue Service. During my time off work poorly I lost my mum too. I became a zombie had no feelings or desire to live.My wife and kids did not understand me at all and took things all the wrong way. Worst thing is I have made things so much worst and caused much of it myself.
    Finally got my self back into a job and records recovering from being broke and a failure to provide for my family.
    However the fog black dog depression or what ever you call it is back. It's never been far away and sneaks back when you least expect it.If feel misundertood and beyond help. Again can't sleep it's like being wired to the National grid and when I final fall a sleep the nightmare occur. Every day I wake tired from the day before.My memory too seems to be failing too which just makes matters worse.
    Tired worn out want it all to go away
    Or I will go away
     
  2. BarryW

    BarryW Well-Known Member

    Hello Aaron1F,

    Welcome to the forum. There are many people here who are toughing out their respective situations and can likely provide some insight for yours. I don't have much in the way of suggestions for you but I also spent some years pretty badly withdrawn from my family (and in some ways still am). I can say that it is possible to make progress on repairing relations slowly over time if you continue to make the effort. Thank you for your service in fire and rescue! Check out some of the other sections of the forum for tips on how to get a good night's rest - compiled by other members struggling with sleeplessness.
     
  3. Aaron1F

    Aaron1F Well-Known Member

    Hi ya
    Nice reply thanking me for my role in the Fire and Rescue Service I appreciate that.
    No many people would say that unless required our service thank you.
    I chose to join and did over ten years but decide to leave as struggled with dealing with Rta and Rtc.Although I had no emotional attachement to the casualties it was hard telling someone they would be OK knowing they were in some case very poorly and would not survive.Dealing with fatalities was easier as they had already goneand was just a case of cleaning up.
    Was so scared I would meet someone I knew or and struggled when children were involved.
    Strange thing is the nightmares are about feeling the heat of fire and being trapped and burning to death.
    Never ever in a million years thought I would get sick this thought I was much stronger. My inability to deal with things has ruined everything so gutted I allowed myself to fall to this.