Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by KnightFalls, Sep 21, 2013.

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  1. KnightFalls

    KnightFalls Well-Known Member

    Days are hard enough but when darkness falls it becomes almost impossible. It is almost like when the light fades so does my hope. It is at night that I cannot defend against the thoughts that haunt me. How long before all this stops?
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Do you have something that helps you calm the thoughts at night hun I know night time is hard for most of us If you want you can come here and chat or post and then you will not feel so alone Hope you have someone in real life to help you as well
  3. KnightFalls

    KnightFalls Well-Known Member

    I try to read but the thoughts interfere. I can make it through a page and not even know what I read. I kept trying to chat but since the guy hacked us I have not been able to chat from my iPad. And my 'puter was downstairs. I didn't want my hubby knowing I was awake.

    the docs gave me some sleeping pills but I try not to use them as I have to be able to sleep on my own. Should have taken one last night though. Finally fell asleep about 11 and was awake by 1:30.
  4. KnightFalls

    KnightFalls Well-Known Member

    Night time to coming rapidly. I think I am ready though. I have a small flashlight so I can work on my book under the covers if I cannot sleep.
  5. isolated

    isolated Member

    I know how you feel. I was feeling better when the days were longer
    and the nights were shorter, and it was warm during the summer, but
    now I'm dreading the fact that as we get closer and closer to winter,
    the days get shorter and the nights get longer and colder. I'm really
    dreading this coming winter.
  6. KnightFalls

    KnightFalls Well-Known Member

    It is not the darkness of night so much but the loneliness. The fighting to go to sleep but unable to shut your mind off. It is the tossing and turning for hours figuring if I fall asleep now I could get x hours of sleep. It's the nagging voice the won't shut up and does he best catastrophizing when I am trying to sleep. It is the 'what if' game that lasts longer than the 99 bottles of beer on the wall song.

    It is the feeling of losing control. Not the darkness. I like being unseen in the darkness.
  7. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    Knightfalls Thats really hard. I find that keeping the TV on helps a lot. I even fall asleep with the TV on. I really have to. So my mind doesnt go to thoughts that only make matters worse. For some it is music. For me it is TV.

    Isolated, I SO can relate to what you wrote. As the days grow shorter and much more cold, I feel myself sinking. I live in a very cold area of the US. An area that has a short summer season for keeping windows open. Closed windows combined with sunsets that come earlier and earlier wreak havoc with me. Closed windows are the worst for me. It feels like I am shut off from life.
  8. KnightFalls

    KnightFalls Well-Known Member

    Thanks for the suggestion Flowers but I never ever could fall asleep with the tv on. I even sleep with ear plugs so I,don't have to hear the night. I would,wear them at work if my manager wouldn't find a way to bitch about them.
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