Dazed and confused...

Discussion in 'After Effects' started by sd-239192, Jul 21, 2009.

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  1. sd-239192

    sd-239192 Well-Known Member

    I have been through 6 attempts in my 17years of life. Most of which have left me with scars as a reminder of what i have done to myself. Only now i feel the real effects... i am haunted by the images of those 6 days. they stay in my mind like ghosts in the fog you can only just make them out but they are there... and always will be. But something happened to me this weekend... i became sick with something that could have ended me yet it could not, not because a rope snapped, not because i wasn't able to fall asleep, but because i fought back... i am being treated for my illness... but at a cost the things that keep me alive also cause me to trigger... i don't know whats worse death by natural causes, or death out of free will...
    I'm planning again, for the first time in over a month... if this doesn't work i guess I'm destine not to die
     
  2. mandyj101

    mandyj101 Well-Known Member

    hey there..
    im glad ur still fighting..wether its suicial thoughts or a natural illness..
    how r u feeling tday ? i hope ur ok :hug:
     
  3. sweetpea0

    sweetpea0 Well-Known Member

    Please don't try again. Have you talked with a therapist or someone else. I know how being suicidal feels, but there is help. People here are always willing to talk.
     
  4. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    How are you doing now? :hug:

    I hope you didn't attempt again. :(
     
  5. April

    April Member

    Hon, you dont releaise it but you're getting better. You still have strength left in you bit you arent taking control of your situation. I know I sound like a horoscope but hear me out.

    You dont want to be killed of by some illness and you are physically capable of surviving. You are haunted by your past mistakes but thats progress. I would be more worried if you looked at your scars with longing. Your inabilty to kill yourself is because of your own abilty to live. You simply arent meant to die so young and helpless. You want to try again to see if its your destiny but clearly its not. You have the take control of your life and live it as best you can.

    If you reach out for help, it will be there in one form or another. Stay safe
     
  6. sd-239192

    sd-239192 Well-Known Member

    i'm still confused about all this, this whole prospect of life and death disgusts me now. i am getting better i'm also doing a lot to remove whats left of my scars, i'm just tired of looking at them.

    its kind of odd, in a self conflicting kinda way, that i wont let anything but myself get to me. is that self preservation? or am i just stubborn? i really don't know.

    well anyway my plan never came to fruition actually due to a bout of dumb, all be it bad, luck. i had a small fire in my workshop one day when i was working on a project of mine (damn you angle grinder!) my plan went up in smoke literately this time, along with about 3 weeks worth of work. have to start over again.

    well its time for me to go to work...

    SD-239192 signing out
     
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