Dazed and confused

Discussion in 'Welcome' started by Richard 007, Jun 2, 2012.

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  1. Richard 007

    Richard 007 Active Member

    Hi .
    My name is Richard , I am 50 yrs old/young depending on your take , I am the father of 4 beautiful children aged 7 mths to 5 years , yes I started late .
    Three weeks ago my partner of 7 yrs and wife of ten months shattered my universe by telling me that she was ending our relationship and that she was in a new relationship with another man .
    Due to circumstances beyond my control , ie money , my wife intends to stay with me and the children in our house ,
    (its a rented property) until she and him can afford to rent themselves , I have to endure the unendurable , I love my wife with all my heart she is and always will be my life , I love my family with a passion .

    We have come to an agreement about the children , my children our my reason for being .
    In the UK we no longer do custody , we speak in terms of residency and the courts do not want to get involved unless there is a reason , ie the kids are in danger , which they are not .
    We have decided that when she moves out we will split the living at home time with kids equally , all sounds ok yes ?

    There is a massive stumbling block to all this , my intense love for my wife and my guilt that I am responsible for all of this , I am , I think a good man , I have been completly faithful I have worked hard I have stood by my wife through some awful times but I have a flaw to my character , it is a flaw that I have been aware of since i was a kid myself , I find it very hard to show my love , I found it hard to show my love to a woman I loved with every fibre of my body and because of that I have lost her .

    And so it comes to why I have joined this site , I am not looking for sympathy or anything along those lines , I am not looking to be talked into or out of anything I have decided to do (that is decision I made with myself) .
    I am I think looking for understanding , understanding that for me life is not worth living without her .

    I have decided that , and this is all I have thought about for three weeks that I will have a shot at this new life , I will see if I can find some sort of happiness some sort of peace without her .

    I am going to try this new road until my 51st birthday , that is on the 23rd of December , if , as that date approaches my live is like this I will do the unthinkable and take my own life , I am not affraid of this but I am terrified of my life without her .

    I have I believe figured out how to do the deed in the least dramatic and upsetting way possible (I of course realise some people will be) and I know where and when I will do this , I have given myself time to try to resolve my feelings but have also accepted that if my life continues as it is now that I will end it .

    I have tried to make this as undramtic as possible for you as the words I can find do not do justice as to how I feel .
     
  2. bleedingrage

    bleedingrage Active Member

    Touching indeed. Reinforces the notion that love is a useless emotion. I took lost the love of my life so I understand the pain you feel. I am not here to talk anyone out of anything. I understand its your choice and your choice alone. What I can do is be a friend. If you're not too busy you could always send me a message.
     
  3. Richard 007

    Richard 007 Active Member

    Love is wonderful and horrendous thing , I am glad that people here do not try to talk you out of the decisons you make , I truly hope that my life becomes more tolerable than it is now and that my plan is not fullfiled , it has suprised me how resigned to it I am though , there is no fear of death for me , there is a fear of pain and that I have got the god thing all wrong ........
     
  4. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    HI Richard...and welcome to the forum :hug:
    i'm sorry to hear about your relationship breakup....I know how much pain they cause

    I would like to give you the threads of a man who sounded much like you when he joined here
    roughly same age.....same problems with his wife...going to end his life
    some of us have been following his journey and it's very inspiring ...I hope you'll give it a read and it gives you hope

    His forum name is 'Iain'
    go to his profile and click on 'latest threads started'...

    I tried to post the url but it wouldn't let me..

    I would probably say all the same things to you as I have to him..

    I hope you will come to realize it is possible to live without your wife and by the time it gets to your birthday you will have changed your mind about leaving..

    I hope you'll stick around here and talk and we can hopefully offer you some support...take care
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 3, 2012
  5. supermodel

    supermodel Well-Known Member

    Welcome to the forum Richard! I'm here to talk whenever you need me!
     
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