Hi . My name is Richard , I am 50 yrs old/young depending on your take , I am the father of 4 beautiful children aged 7 mths to 5 years , yes I started late . Three weeks ago my partner of 7 yrs and wife of ten months shattered my universe by telling me that she was ending our relationship and that she was in a new relationship with another man . Due to circumstances beyond my control , ie money , my wife intends to stay with me and the children in our house , (its a rented property) until she and him can afford to rent themselves , I have to endure the unendurable , I love my wife with all my heart she is and always will be my life , I love my family with a passion . We have come to an agreement about the children , my children our my reason for being . In the UK we no longer do custody , we speak in terms of residency and the courts do not want to get involved unless there is a reason , ie the kids are in danger , which they are not . We have decided that when she moves out we will split the living at home time with kids equally , all sounds ok yes ? There is a massive stumbling block to all this , my intense love for my wife and my guilt that I am responsible for all of this , I am , I think a good man , I have been completly faithful I have worked hard I have stood by my wife through some awful times but I have a flaw to my character , it is a flaw that I have been aware of since i was a kid myself , I find it very hard to show my love , I found it hard to show my love to a woman I loved with every fibre of my body and because of that I have lost her . And so it comes to why I have joined this site , I am not looking for sympathy or anything along those lines , I am not looking to be talked into or out of anything I have decided to do (that is decision I made with myself) . I am I think looking for understanding , understanding that for me life is not worth living without her . I have decided that , and this is all I have thought about for three weeks that I will have a shot at this new life , I will see if I can find some sort of happiness some sort of peace without her . I am going to try this new road until my 51st birthday , that is on the 23rd of December , if , as that date approaches my live is like this I will do the unthinkable and take my own life , I am not affraid of this but I am terrified of my life without her . I have I believe figured out how to do the deed in the least dramatic and upsetting way possible (I of course realise some people will be) and I know where and when I will do this , I have given myself time to try to resolve my feelings but have also accepted that if my life continues as it is now that I will end it . I have tried to make this as undramtic as possible for you as the words I can find do not do justice as to how I feel .