I am going to kill myself this time. No more maybe I will, maybe I won't. I can take enough to die, to stop my breathing forever. I am so depressed right now. I am typing this on my computer a few feet from my partner. I have it on "incognito" so there is no electronic record of which sites I have been at. She has no idea what I am planning. I want the absolute and utter end of me. I don't even want there to be an afterlife.