Dead, dead, dead

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Lauru, Jun 10, 2011.

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  1. Lauru

    Lauru Well-Known Member

    I am going to kill myself this time. No more maybe I will, maybe I won't. I can take enough to die, to stop my breathing forever. I am so depressed right now. I am typing this on my computer a few feet from my partner. I have it on "incognito" so there is no electronic record of which sites I have been at. She has no idea what I am planning. I want the absolute and utter end of me. I don't even want there to be an afterlife.
     
  2. Lollirot

    Lollirot Member

    Please reconsider. I am sure that you have things to live for. It is obviously really difficult for you right now. What is bothering you the most right now?

    I know things get better though, because I have been there. I have been at the end of my rope. I've been thrown into the hospital a few times. Just talk a little and maybe things can be worked out.
     
  3. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Please reconsider...You have a partner who loves you or they wouldn't be with you..Depression is hard to hide so he/she already knows that something is wrong..Talk to him/her and get the support you need from him/her..We are here for you also.. Just let it rip and vent your frustrations to us so we can help support you.. Take Care..
     
  4. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hi Lauru, please don't do this.
    Like stranger1 already said, you have a partner who loves you or she wouldn't be with you, can you not try and live for her? she would be devastated if you did what you are planning. Don't give up hope!
     
  5. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    do you know whats caused this depression Lauru?
    please talk about whats happening for you and postpone your plans..
     
  6. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    how are you doing Lauru?
     
  7. peacelovingguy

    peacelovingguy Well-Known Member

    Lauru - I hope your not planning to do anything - and can you not talk to your partner about how your feeling?

    With depression, when we come to decisions regarding suicide - it is not a stupid thing or 'silly' like some say. In your mind it makes sense - but depression makes it so - not the actual situation itself which, under better circumstances would be dealt with way before you started to want to die and searched the web for sites offering advice.

    Hope you can share some of what is making you feel this way with us - maybe you have real reasons not to want to live - but until we hear about them its hard to say anything apart from the fact that suicide is a bad thing.

    As for an afterlife - its more the here and now which concerns me.

    I just hope that whatever you else do - you make a decision to get some help with your suicidal thoughts and the possibility that you might even take steps and put a plan in motion - or act rashly, like we all do, only with suicide we don't get to wake up the next day and feel regret at having made a bad choice.

    My prayers for you in your dark night of the soul.

    Hope you make it to the dawn - and start to think about making a move to get some help rather than bearing this all incognito and secretly harbouring this weight which, if left untended, will drag you down for sure.

    With help - you can be a better person - maybe the person you used to be -- or perhaps someone you would like to be. After all people can change - and I'm sure you will also in a change for the better as you emerge from this depression, battered but not defeated.

    You'll be a stronger person also, because anyone who endures depression has the ability to have a great amount of compassion for others. Anyone who shares the pain of the suffering bought on by depression - shares that pain - that means others out here feel what you feel - know all too well what its like to casually ponder your own demise.

    Take faith that depression is defeated all the time - and held back so that we can at least enjoy life once again - to feel the happiness which we all deserve to feel.

    God bless and I hope things get better as you get help.:sup:
     
  8. Lauru

    Lauru Well-Known Member

    I am still here. But because my partner has 11 days off for vacation from work. I can't do it with her here. That would be awful and horribly unfair. I hate this depression. I have bipolar but the meds take away most of the mania but leave the depression to come again and again. This sucks and I am not worth saving. I am fat, stupid, ugly, worthless. I have known this since I was a little girl. And it is so true. I deserve to die, I do not deserve to live.
     
  9. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    I'm pleased to hear you're still here..
    have you spoken to your doctor and told him that the meds don't help with the depression..
    surely there are other meds that they can try you on..
    does your partner know how you're feeling? can you tlak to her?
    you do not deserve to die...that's the depression talking
    stay safe ok
     
  10. Lauru

    Lauru Well-Known Member

    My pdoc knows the depression is getting worse and is tweaking my meds. Nothing helps anymore, or at least not for long. I am too damn tired to live
     
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