Lauru - I hope your not planning to do anything - and can you not talk to your partner about how your feeling?
With depression, when we come to decisions regarding suicide - it is not a stupid thing or 'silly' like some say. In your mind it makes sense - but depression makes it so - not the actual situation itself which, under better circumstances would be dealt with way before you started to want to die and searched the web for sites offering advice.
Hope you can share some of what is making you feel this way with us - maybe you have real reasons not to want to live - but until we hear about them its hard to say anything apart from the fact that suicide is a bad thing.
As for an afterlife - its more the here and now which concerns me.
I just hope that whatever you else do - you make a decision to get some help with your suicidal thoughts and the possibility that you might even take steps and put a plan in motion - or act rashly, like we all do, only with suicide we don't get to wake up the next day and feel regret at having made a bad choice.
My prayers for you in your dark night of the soul.
Hope you make it to the dawn - and start to think about making a move to get some help rather than bearing this all incognito and secretly harbouring this weight which, if left untended, will drag you down for sure.
With help - you can be a better person - maybe the person you used to be -- or perhaps someone you would like to be. After all people can change - and I'm sure you will also in a change for the better as you emerge from this depression, battered but not defeated.
You'll be a stronger person also, because anyone who endures depression has the ability to have a great amount of compassion for others. Anyone who shares the pain of the suffering bought on by depression - shares that pain - that means others out here feel what you feel - know all too well what its like to casually ponder your own demise.
Take faith that depression is defeated all the time - and held back so that we can at least enjoy life once again - to feel the happiness which we all deserve to feel.
God bless and I hope things get better as you get help.:sup: