dead end...suicide or jail??

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by bigsegs, Sep 18, 2008.

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  1. bigsegs

    bigsegs New Member

    Hi all, im new to the forum and a male age 37.
    this may seem like a small problem to some but to me its become an inescapable situation..
    im in debt to around 50k (british pounds)
    i currently reside with my 'girlfreind' and her 3 children, 1 of which has his girlfreind living here..
    my gf is 36, kids are 7,15,18 and 18's gf is 17
    ive lost my driving licence due to drink driving
    im a plasterer by trade, i have an add in the paper and also a van, which i use (illegally obviously) for my trade (domestic) work isnt very busy
    just before i met my gf i had it pretty much sown up to go bankrupt, get a lower paid (but on the cards) job and a bedsit.
    my gf had nothing but a grotty council house, no bed, a useless car (no mot, tax or insurance), no BED internal doors (theyd all been ripped off)
    i helped her out the best i could at the expense of forgetting my own worries
    i since moved in with her in an effort to pool resourses
    been here just over a year
    she now has a job, when she gets paid she blows all her money within 3 days (paid monthly), which leaves me to fork out for gas, electric, car tax, mot, food etc....4 kids....i eat very little
    i try to talk some sense into her and she listens but the next day it all goes out the window...the kids treat the place like a hotel, make ABSOLUTELY no effort to find work and she just lets em get away with it cos she knows unless i leave i have no option but to submit whatever i earn to the 'family fund' which then gets wasted
    i have no money saved, no way of saving any, the girl is a waster and brings her kids up likewise with no disipline or consequences, they do whatever they like and get a pat on the back for it...
    whenever i try to amend this she nods and smiles and agrees then goes to the kids when im not around with the old (dont worry ill sort him out, wink)
    ive left countless times with nowhere to go only to return soon after
    im in no way violent, in fact im an intelligent person, something which she freely admits she's not..think 'jeremy kyle show' and you get the type of people im living with
    yes i realise i shouldnt have made this mistake in the first place but i was lonely at the time

    my question is, now i find myself in a position where i have nowhere to go, no money to go with, no prospects, no driving do i get myself out of this situation without suicide (methods of which run through my head constantly, along with reasons not to, and the only reasons not to are because its selfish of me...) or get myself locked up for a 6 month sentence which will isolate me from all this then dump me back out in society a free man, free of ties, albeit no prospects (no change there then)
    am i selfish? for wanting to leave? or just in general cos i have no control over this shambles, belive me, if i could walk away tomorrow and have somewhere to go i would...
  2. fromthatshow

    fromthatshow Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    This is a lot to deal with.
    All I can tell you is that you are NOT selfish for wanting to leave, and it sounds like they need to get their stuff sorted out. They shouldn't be your responsibility, especially if you have already tried talking to them about wasting money.
    Six months in jail isn't the worst thing that could happen to you. Maybe you'd have some time to clear your head, not have to worry about food or rent for a while. 'Tis a much better option than suicide.
    Maybe you have nowhere to go right now, but it doesn't mean it has to be the end. Eventually you will have somewhere to go. You can find a life again.

    praying for you :heart:
  3. bigsegs

    bigsegs New Member

    thanks..the jail thing is something im seriously contemplating but first i have to commit an offence of reklative magnitude to get myself sent down, i got caught driving a while ago, sober, just tring to price a job and represented myself. when i asked the magistrates to send me down they refused on condition i talk to the probation service, who, whilst well meaning, have limited capacity to help my situation, which i understand one has the power to pick someone up and put them down in a new you say 6 months gives me time to reset my thought processes and be ready to start again on release..
    i find the prospect of having to take a low paid job just to be legal difficult when all the family are going to do is waste whatever i earn, if i refuse to provide they will be without electricity, gas, food and live like savages, they have no ambition...the thing is, i cant earn and save and still watch them waste their lives, if i could leave them a grand or so and have enough to then leave and set up again that would be perfect i suppose, then after they waste that theyre on their own and thats their problem cos i wont have the 'guilt trip'
    ive tried the vso (voluntary services organisation) but its such a long and complicated process and to be honest theyre looking for professionals, not muppets like me willing to work for nothing more than food and shelter..
    does anyone know of an organisation that will take a bankrupt non driver but with plenty of trade skills without all the red tape??
  4. kenny

    kenny Well-Known Member

    Don't throw your life away by doing something stupid. either by getting a stupid criminal record or by attempting suicide.

    there is another way out. I think you need to go and speak to someone at social work. You could make an appointment with your GP, and discuss your moods/feelings.

    if it gets really bad and you *have* to leave with nowhere to go, you can present yourself at a police station as being homeless and get into the system that way. you might end up in a filthy bedsit, but to be honest, it doesn't sound like it would be any worse.

    take care mate.
  5. TheWr0ngChild

    TheWr0ngChild Well-Known Member

    Let me tell you your life will get worse with a criminal record. What you need to do is look at what you have and work with it. You need out of this situation ASAP by the sounds of it. Don't let this greedy selfish woman ruin you any more than she has. Do you have any imediate friends or family members who would be prepaired to give you a spare bed or sofa to sleep on for a while? You might need to think lower in terms of jobs for now, buy a local paper and see if there's anything stationary that you could do just for some extra cash to help you back on your feet and into a place of your own. If this is possible get your name on the council housing list, I know this takes a long time but it's one housing option you should do straight away. Also call Shelter. Shelter offer help and support to people in vaunrable situations and poor housing, they can put pressure on the council, connect you to temporary accomodation and inform you of your individual rights. Call them on this number 0808 800 4444. Also get some advice on those debts from CAB, maybe going bankrupt is the best option for you, it would mean no credit but would probably write off a large portion of that massive debt.
    There is little stigma attatched to it these days with the financial hell we are all in.

    Whatever you do don't land up in jail. This is going to make things a lot worse for your prospects and future. Going bankrupt carries a lot less shame and stigma than a jail sentence. You sound far too bright to go doing stupid things to land up in jail over some bone idle waster.

    Once you go you need to stay gone, no going back to this waste of space. Beleive me even the darkest clouds have a sun behind them.
  6. Mightbehere

    Mightbehere Well-Known Member

    Just dump her. She'll figure something out and is clearly using you.
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