Dead End...

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by innocencexisxlove, Apr 7, 2011.

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  1. innocencexisxlove

    innocencexisxlove Well-Known Member

    It's been a long time since I've legit posted here... I've floated around in the coffee house often, but not here...

    So things were looking up for me. Great, right? Well, not exactly. I had finally got a boyfriend and I really felt I loved him... He got me to do, well everything.... I now realise the only reason I ever did any of it was because I was afraid if I didn't, I'd lose him..

    He always needed to know who I was with, what I was doing, what I looked like, when I'd be home... He'd accuse me of having another guy. He wouldn't let me wear certain tops when we went out because he thought they were too revealing.. Even though my mom, who is like, an insane catholic woman, okay'ed them....

    Even now we are broken up, he thinks he has some kind of control. He manages to often get out of me what I'm doing and who I'm with... He accuses me of having found another man, even though I haven't... He tries to blackmail me by saying he'll spread pictures, even though before he swore they were all deleted...

    Simple solution?? Block his number/change mine... But not so simple... Changing the number is a lot of work to update all my information... Blocking his.. I just can't do it. Part of me still loves him, yes... But all in all he was a complete asshole, who doesn't deserve me... Right??

    Well now I'm sick of the phone calls&&texts that he harrasses me with... Yet I can't bring myself to completely stop talking to him... Like, I'm scared..

    Right now, I feel like cutting tremendously.. And it's been a good long while for that.... On top of it I want to kill myself, because I can't live with or without him it seems.... I'm at a dead end.

    What's wrong with me??

    Thanks for wasting your time readin this.... No need to answer, I just, I needed to get this out...

  2. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    You have plenty of evidence to get a restraining order on him. Have you tried contacting the police?
  3. innocencexisxlove

    innocencexisxlove Well-Known Member

    When I talked about it, my dad said I couldn't get a restraining order because there wasn't any physical threats or whatever... Idk.
  4. Last Post

    Last Post Member

    lol still love him... a~ maybe God's trolling you
    good to see ur still around though Rachel.....actually maybe its not a good thing. this is SF after all haha
  5. innocencexisxlove

    innocencexisxlove Well-Known Member

    So today, I got his number blocked... A part of me is relieved... The other part is heartbroken. I don't think this is helping at all :sad:
  6. MadeOfGlass

    MadeOfGlass Well-Known Member

    It'll be for the better in the end, I think. :hug: It may seem to feel wrong right now, but it's the smarter choice because eventually, you'll be glad he can't harass you anymore.
  7. innocencexisxlove

    innocencexisxlove Well-Known Member

    I just get so worried about him, because he has his own issues.... Idk. I really don't feel any better. I really feel worse... Idk what to do :sad:
  8. solutions

    solutions Well-Known Member

    First of all, don't be one of those girls who takes responsibility for an abusive person's actions. I've seen it before with my own friends, and they ignore obvious evidence that they're better off without that person, yet they continue to feel bad. When it happened to my best friend, I just couldn't get through to her. It was crushingly depressing and infuriating at the same time.

    He's responsible for his own actions. You're responsible for yours. That's as far as it goes.

    Also, restraining order. I wouldn't take your father's word for it. I'd ask the police. It wouldn't take anything more than a simple phone call to your local police station.

    I had a possessive girlfriend in high school, and I was too young to know what to do about it. I couldn't see friends she didn't approve of, I couldn't be anywhere she didn't expect me to be, and I had to follow everything she said. If I ever went against what she said, she'd explode in a fit of rage and say I was abandoning her.

    There are a lot of people like that out there who are simply toxic.

    Still, I think the most important thing is that you are only responsible for your own actions. Your ex is a person necessarily separate from you. You're not obligated to take care of him, nor should you even try. He should live with the consequences of his own actions, rather than being bailed out of every situation where he gets himself in trouble. It's the best thing for both of you.

    I'm sorry if I seem like I'm angry as hell, but this kind of thing hits home really, really hard for me. And, well, I've had two shots of vodka. I can't even talk to my best friend anymore because she's driven to be in abusive relationships, and then later takes responsibility whenever he does something wrong. I think about how things used to be, when we didn't have to worry about things like that, and I just become overwhelmingly sad.
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 8, 2011
  9. innocencexisxlove

    innocencexisxlove Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry you went through that :sad:. I apologize for triggering memories.

    I went through physically abusive relationships, and I had never thought of this to be abusive, you know?

    I hate dealing with the police, due to previous experiences like mentioned above.

    It's weird, because like I said, I never thought of this as abusive, but now that you mention it, he was a lot like your ex girlfriend. I couldn't go anywhere without him, unless it was preapproved, and all that..

    I guess it's all for the best.

    I appreciate your response with your experience. Again I apologize for upsetting you :hug:
  10. solutions

    solutions Well-Known Member

    No, it's fine, you didn't upset me. It was just a transient memory.

    Thank you. Please take care of yourself.

    edit: And I'm sorry for flying off the handle like that. It's not like me, and I'm sorry.
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 8, 2011

    ELLIEANDMONKEY Well-Known Member

    It's hard to let go of someone you put up with their abuses because you can't stand to let them go. I have been there!

    Just remember we are here for you and there is someone out there who will NOT abuse you and love you. And you will love him back!
  12. innocencexisxlove

    innocencexisxlove Well-Known Member

    Chris: You are totally fine! No worries :smile: :hug:

    Ellie: Thank you so much. It's good to know I have people to talk to :hug:
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