It's been a long time since I've legit posted here... I've floated around in the coffee house often, but not here...
So things were looking up for me. Great, right? Well, not exactly. I had finally got a boyfriend and I really felt I loved him... He got me to do, well everything.... I now realise the only reason I ever did any of it was because I was afraid if I didn't, I'd lose him..
He always needed to know who I was with, what I was doing, what I looked like, when I'd be home... He'd accuse me of having another guy. He wouldn't let me wear certain tops when we went out because he thought they were too revealing.. Even though my mom, who is like, an insane catholic woman, okay'ed them....
Even now we are broken up, he thinks he has some kind of control. He manages to often get out of me what I'm doing and who I'm with... He accuses me of having found another man, even though I haven't... He tries to blackmail me by saying he'll spread pictures, even though before he swore they were all deleted...
Simple solution?? Block his number/change mine... But not so simple... Changing the number is a lot of work to update all my information... Blocking his.. I just can't do it. Part of me still loves him, yes... But all in all he was a complete asshole, who doesn't deserve me... Right??
Well now I'm sick of the phone calls&&texts that he harrasses me with... Yet I can't bring myself to completely stop talking to him... Like, I'm scared..
Right now, I feel like cutting tremendously.. And it's been a good long while for that.... On top of it I want to kill myself, because I can't live with or without him it seems.... I'm at a dead end.
What's wrong with me??
Thanks for wasting your time readin this.... No need to answer, I just, I needed to get this out...
-Rachel
So things were looking up for me. Great, right? Well, not exactly. I had finally got a boyfriend and I really felt I loved him... He got me to do, well everything.... I now realise the only reason I ever did any of it was because I was afraid if I didn't, I'd lose him..
He always needed to know who I was with, what I was doing, what I looked like, when I'd be home... He'd accuse me of having another guy. He wouldn't let me wear certain tops when we went out because he thought they were too revealing.. Even though my mom, who is like, an insane catholic woman, okay'ed them....
Even now we are broken up, he thinks he has some kind of control. He manages to often get out of me what I'm doing and who I'm with... He accuses me of having found another man, even though I haven't... He tries to blackmail me by saying he'll spread pictures, even though before he swore they were all deleted...
Simple solution?? Block his number/change mine... But not so simple... Changing the number is a lot of work to update all my information... Blocking his.. I just can't do it. Part of me still loves him, yes... But all in all he was a complete asshole, who doesn't deserve me... Right??
Well now I'm sick of the phone calls&&texts that he harrasses me with... Yet I can't bring myself to completely stop talking to him... Like, I'm scared..
Right now, I feel like cutting tremendously.. And it's been a good long while for that.... On top of it I want to kill myself, because I can't live with or without him it seems.... I'm at a dead end.
What's wrong with me??
Thanks for wasting your time readin this.... No need to answer, I just, I needed to get this out...
-Rachel