Dead inside

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Scully, Nov 15, 2009.

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  1. Scully

    Scully Well-Known Member

    Chris Carter. He can be a good man beside that, but he's a coward. He knows the truth about my birth and refuses to tell me. Coward, or crual? Difficult for e to believe he's a bad person. I can't believe that, I don't want to believe that. Help me know my story, you were there. Please.

    Not well today, seeing all these just breaks me. I'm broken, empty, and this silence makes it can't be recovered by now. It's the eternal night that is promised to me. But as for who lied to me, in my family, and others. I hope we won't share the same room, because I don't deserve that, more. Famille: je pense que je ne veux plus vous voir. Il y a eu 29 années où j'ai existé avant celle là.

    Never been supported. You don't expect Mulder to look like me, but it's me Mulder, looking for a truth and an idealbarely imaginable in that world. I'm the perfect INFP in the end. The questor for truth.

    I don't know how long I'll live more, but my partner doesn't support emotionally. I have a blind and deaf wall, and I don't ask whining things, I just bear in silence. I don't know how long more I'll live, but I'm dead inside, your lies had me. I'm dead inside.

    No goal, if one day I'm just no there, that'll mean it was my time.

    Thank you.

    <Mod Edit: Please, no personal pictures - this is for your own safety and security>

    Good bye, I had forgiven you, everything.
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 16, 2009
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I am sorry this struggle goes on within you and the people in your life are not supportive. I hope and pray someday he comes to his senses and helps you.
  3. Scully

    Scully Well-Known Member

    I don't know if I can hold on. Before I had hope, and it was my strenght, even without nothing else. But hope has faded. I didn't do it on purpose. It's just gone.

    Thanks Violet.
  4. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    i know it hard when you see no hope boy i have been there before. Please hold on because out of the blue hope can come again something someone shows up and gives you a reason to try again. It is hard but you have this place to hang onto until that 2nd wave of hope comes by It will come and youwill be glad you did hang on because something will happen to give you the answers youneed. I feel for you i do and i pray you can stay strong take care
  5. morfea

    morfea Antiquities Friend

    Dana I'm so sorry you feel this way, I don't know what to say but that I feel for you, I feel your pain, if I can take a little bit and carry it for you I would, please hold on :heart:
  6. Scully

    Scully Well-Known Member

    Thanks for your kind words. I'm trying to hold on. I just don't know why. I wake like a zombi. I do things. But I have a hole in the stomach. I walk at the radar all day long. I hope for a solution rapidly.
  7. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Just wanted to say that I too am sorry you are feeling this way and that you deserve to feel better...please continue to post and seek the support, both peer and professional, to help you through this rough spot...J
  8. Scully

    Scully Well-Known Member

    I'm doing it, and I thank you all for the support. Just some days, it's like all I tried just fails. It's unfair. I talked to my psychologist today, and he encourages me, tries to make me see the good things I accomplish. Some days I'm just sad to no end. But I have some friends here I know. And these can count on me whenerver, my oath.
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