Dead man standing

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Silent1, Jun 9, 2011.

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  1. Silent1

    Silent1 Well-Known Member

    Hi, well if you read my past posts you know my story but anyway i finally got the courage to say something to my parents about my depression. Of coruse they wanna get me help but its not like they didnt know already, after graduating highschool ive sat in my house for four years in isolation doing nothing but video games and drugs, which im addicted to both. im not smart good looking or have talents so i didnt go to college or a trade school after highschool. and everytime my parents asked me, when are you getting a job? i just said im looking no one answers and that question got pushed back for a few more months. but for 4 years? they had to know something was wrong specially my additude towards going places and getting out my house. So to get to the point i started thinking about treatment and i relized i cant be helped there is no way they can help my depression, point blank i just dont want to do anything im happier where iam now then getting on medicine and then i know the ultimate goal is to get back on your feet get a job and become part of society again, thats part of my problem i dont want to be and it feel's like your forced too, i dont kno i just feel like if i dont do it tomarrow or the next day week month...etc etc its just gonna happen later down the road so whats the point?
     
  2. LoveBeing

    LoveBeing Well-Known Member

    Hi there - It sounds like to me that your parents have been waiting for you to talk to them as they did not know what to do if you are not ready to take a step…

    Now your parents want to get you help. It may not be easy, but help is always possible. It’s hard to see how it can be sometimes. It also takes courage to go for help as well because it means changes - changes in the way you live now, but you know that’s what you need for your life. It takes courage because you don’t know how it’s going to be, but if you take one moment at a time, I know you can go through it…

    You said “i know the ultimate goal is to get back on your feet get a job and become part of society again, thats part of my problem i dont want to be and it feel's like your forced too”. The way you live now makes you feel so low as you know you cannot always live this way. So maybe deep down you do want to be “on your feet get a job and become part of society again”. You just need to believe that you can…

    Don’t put yourself down. You may even surprise yourself when you put your mind/energy to things. (I bet you are good at playing those video games.) Believe or not, it is possible to live in a “weed-like” state without using the weed: The man in the video clip below once wanted to end his life and he mentioned that he took acid once in the middle of the video clip (at about 5-minute time) to compare how he lives now:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ysYXO43dGtY

    Here is another video clip about Nick…He had much less to work with towards life - He has no arms, no legs…and he says: “I Love Living Life…” There is a little bit about his childhood, too. He felt life was pointless at one point, too. Please have a look and see for yourself:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H8ZuKF3dxCY&feature=related
     
  3. LightInTheDarkestNight

    LightInTheDarkestNight Well-Known Member

    I saw that video about nick three years ago it's quite inspirational.

    You have and decide that you want to change, suicide is not the answer there's plenty of hope for you.

    You're missing out on life you deserve to go out and be successful and happy.

    I agree with lovebeing's advice.

    Learn a little about a lot of things I suggest getting some post secondary it seems likely your parents would pay for it but that's just a guess. Get out more and have fun.

    Best wishes
     
  4. peacelovingguy

    peacelovingguy Well-Known Member

    Silent1 - in this day and age a lot of people live at home with parents far later than they might if the economy was sound.

    As for parents not noticing you are depressed - - maybe your being a bit harsh on them because its not that easy to notice and it is 'easy' to hide. Maybe there is a lack of communication as in many households. Mother in the sitting room watching the soaps - father maybe upstairs, watching sports unless he like a sly peek at Coronation Street - children in their rooms - usually 'doing something' on the computer as far as the parents know.

    I hid my depression from the parents for decades! Even when living with them it was hard to tell. Some people don't go out that much and if your sitting in your room most of the time then who knows what you feel?

    Anyhow, the old folks are not experts on mental illness - so spotting it - or even raising the subject is not as easy as you think. Bear in mind a lot of parents of depressed children are often scared to ask - sometimes the sufferer might be prone to being harsh when asked about depression by parents also. Especially between the teen years and mid twenties or so.

    Now you have told the parents - that is a good thing. I decided to tell mine in way of perhaps explaining my moods sometimes - no 'great' confession moment for me, just explained the facts - bought them up to date with the treatment of depression and said I loved them regardless of whether I might seem like a miserable pr***. When I was younger I guess they bore the brunt of the moods - but I'm lucky they were/are good folks and at least that part of my life is sound.

    Now you've told them - hopefully you give it the 'I love you regardless' line. not that its just a line - I mean it sincerely and I think you would also.

    You say your not 'smart looking' - but looking smart is nothing to do with looks. I guess you mean you don't think you are handsome. Maybe your not - most of us men are not what you'd call handsome - and we're more the kind of guys who look good in a certain light, at a certain angle - usually beheld by a lady who has partaken of the fruits of the vine or the hops, grains or suchlike.

    All this focusing on what is on the outside - the aesthetics of how people look - has been focused on beyond all proportion by the media - advertising clans. Every magazine on the racks - the women might have been cloned from a stock as could the men.

    The men are all square jawed, facial features all seemingly picked from a list of perfect features for men magazines. Each one chiselled, muscled up and so on. Makes you feel kind of 'less than' when you consider we must have looked at the 'perfect' images or role models of beauty and looks a million times or more.

    Being beautiful looking is not to be a role model. Looks prove NOTHING. They have not been earned. The handsome man at the bar - his smile is reassuringly friendly, his manners perfect and his general demeanour cheerful and at ease with himself and others. Such a man MIGHT be as he seems - but with men and women, the worse of us may well be outwardly a joy to behold and be with whilst inside there might lie a seething anger or rage or some mean spirited bully or worse.

    A beautiful flower can turn out to be poison. Right across nature we have many beautiful façades which hide some ugly reality. Even insects have learnt to mimic that which other insects find attractive - only to eat them for dinner!

    Some things in nature are quite ugly - take cannabis for example (Well, I know you been taking something!) that looks like a weed many would tear up - seeing in it 'no use'. If it did not get people high we'd be growing a lot more cannabis for a myriad of reasons that have nothing to do with drugs. First Ford Car ran on ether made from cannabis and had cannabis plastics and cloth.

    You mentioned drugs and the 'being addicted' thing, not sure what your drug of choice was or if that has impacted on you in a negative way. I'm not defending abuse - but drug use - I guess half a billion or more people, at this moment, will be working hard and perhaps thinking of getting high at the weekend. I guess not working can make drug use into a problem - and depending on the drug it could be an expense you cannot afford.

    As for not going to any further education - you got plenty of time to do something there - your still young and you might even be able to study at home but I'd say it would be better for you to mix with a few people - your age and other ages also.

    You say there is no help for you - but you've not studied medicine have you? You do not say if have used any meds - because if you have avoided socialising for four years then it sounds like what they might call 'social anxiety' - but depression in general causes that. What causes depression is being discovered bit by bit - just like we have discovered cures for a myriad of fatal or debilitating conditions. Depression is real - its a chemical, electrical, biological condition - a very real fault that happens in the brain. It is not an imaginary illness - and for those who think its blown up out of all proportion, I promise you - even an hour wishing you were dead would numb your soul. Imagine dealing with it - perhaps frequently. Don't think intelligence or inner strength will hold you in good stead either. Not for nothing does depression go way back in history - something noted by all the Great Civilisations way before Moses!

    People who still persist on seeing depression as 'nothing really' are just ignorant people who make the mistake of revealing their ignorance just by even phrasing the question as to whether depression is just 'all made up'.

    Thankfully your doctor won't be ignorant about depression. They know all too well about the illness and you ought not to feel embarrassed about it. Depression CAN be treated - despite your pretty gloomy assessment of such. But I understand were you come from - I thought medication was a waste of time for decades! Never trusted it - but if you think about it logically we ingest more nasty chemicals just eating junk food. That gives you a rush - and a 'high' and the old 'eating for comfort' buzz. We take all these chemicals, in the soft drunks, food, even the air. Anti depressants are just another chemical - and we take that many we might as well try one which does stand a good chance of lifting your mood to the point whereby you can start to do a few things again. The chemical itself does not 'make' you overcome the depression - but it lifts the mood so that you have the energy and the enthusiasm to do something.

    Statistics (rounded up from all sides) seem to point to anti depressants having a 30-50% chance of working. Given there are lots of anti depressants, plus you can take combinations, the odds increase on your side IF you stick to a plan when you get put onto some medication. Keep a diary - actually fill it in (note to self!) and you can chart the highs and lows as you wait for the meds to work - and if any side effects are noted.

    Therapy is for some - counselling for others. I guess everyone should perhaps have a proper psychiatrist put a name to the depression - but I suspect it might be like going to a dentist were each one has a different idea of how to treat you and what is wrong with you. I just settle for 'depression' and my kind is the kind that 'just is' - it needs no reason - has no reason and I should whistling cheerfully as I walk down the street.

    Anyway - I hope you do seek some help - some medication - and try to set yourself some goals, however small, in the next few months.

    Remember! Tell your folks you love them - apologise for any grief you might have bought - as a matter of courtesy to them. Doubtless they will shrug that off and now they know you have them on your side. That means a lot - and your making a move against depression whereas I just ran, hid, dodged the darkness and buried my head in the sand.

    You got to man up with the depression - I'm not talking macho hour beer talk here - I'm talking about accepting what you have - and taking a chance. Given your choices - which is continue to play PC games, get high, or go to the doctors, try the medication, and see if that gives you the little boost to help you get out of the house more, look for a job and/or revise what educational opportunities are out there.

    Even the basics is a start. School obviously never inspired you to academics or taking up the study of something practical that promises a wage at the end of it. Many kids rebel at that time they ought to be studying for exams. I was the same. Left with nothing. Never went back into a classroom till I was turned 40 and found I had abilities that had lain dormant. Sorry I never went back earlier or actually paid attention to the teachers at school. Ah well - we make mistakes but we have the chance to rectify them also.

    As well as meds - look at things like sharing an hour or so each day with your folks. Take some exercise. Bicycles are ideal - especially if you don't want to mix so much with people. You can 'blend in' on a bicycle - plus outrun any impending dangers - if any. Put a bit (or a lot) less in your bong (or whatever delivery system) and bear in mind many drugs if over-used, can worsen depression.

    Gaming too much is a bad thing! No woman wants to hear a chat up line such as "Do you play World of Warcraft?" or "Behold Princess! I will forsooth slay the Dragons of Dead Witch mountain, and free the Elves of Morphin with you by my side!"

    OK - long reply, but tactically, maybe I can bore someone out of depression?

    Seriously, though - do try some meds. Or at least talk to your doctor about it.

    My best wishes!
     
  5. Silent1

    Silent1 Well-Known Member

    Thanks guys for responding it always helps to see people talk back. and i watched that video he defintally showed me things are not that bad and i have a chance to change he dosent. but another thing i saw from that video most people wont see just because its the messed up way i look at things. even though born with that problem and feeling sad, look were he is today he goes to schools and talks about problems and has a little comdey scetch to go with it all. it looks like he has a house and has alot going for him in his future. i see myself and nothing seems to fall in place its just all block'ed doors and more failure. i dont no i think ill never get out of this dark of a depression :(
     
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