dead on the inside

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by lost_child, May 25, 2008.

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  1. lost_child

    lost_child Well-Known Member

    Once your dead in the inside life is over anyway...its just a matter of time before you stop breathing and die on the outside as well.

    I am dead on the inside, i'm not why oh why am I still on this damn earth. why can't I just die. How many tablets do I have to take, I know there's drugs out there that can end my life, but I don't know which ones, I thought <mod edit-gentlelady-methods>
    Last edited by a moderator: May 25, 2008
  2. BioHomocide

    BioHomocide Well-Known Member

    Being a zombie sucks. My insides are rotten and my outsides lie.

    It would be nice to die but death is to complicated.
    I am not scared of dieing I just sit quitly and wait to disappear.

    I'm not gonna judge you or tell you not to but I will say that it could get better tomorrow and you could be happy, or it could get worse and you'll get sadder. You'll never know what change tomorrow will bring unless you wait and see.

    I hope you find comfort in what you decide on doing. Best of luck!
  3. mortdesinos

    mortdesinos Well-Known Member

    It's not over when you're dead on the inside. Like Mr. E says, it can get better from here, and while you can't control depression, you can keep fighting as long as you have to. Remind yourself that the people here have probably been in a place as dark as you are, or else we wouldn't be here, but we all go through ups and downs. Get all the help you can, and covet it all, because that's how you will get better. Depression is highly treatable. of luck :)
  4. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    <mod edit-gentlelady-quote and reply to unsupportive post>

    what i want to say to you, lost_child, is do *not* give up. you have survived some terrible things and what happened to you was wrong, wrong, wrong. it wasn't your fault, and you did not deserve it.

    a good therapist or support group can help you come to terms with what happened. it never goes away, i'm sorry, but it does get easier. you *can* heal from this. how do i know? because you are a survivor. you have made it this far. let us help you hang on until your desire to live returns. and it will return.

    you entered this world perfect, whole, and precious. you are *still* all of those things, you just can't see them in the middle of your grief, your sorrow & your anger. please hang on.
    Last edited by a moderator: May 25, 2008
  5. lost_child

    lost_child Well-Known Member

    I don't see anything, i've been playing sad songs, just looking at the tablets I have, I have about <edit-gentlelady-methods>1 pint glass of water and I will knock it back. I don't think I'm strong and I don't think I will ever get away from memories from bad things, from the voices in my head, feeling so lonely, feeling so much hate about myself, i hate everything about me. i am seeing a counsellor, i have been for 2 years but still i can't talk about the past, only recent things. I have tried, i have, lord knows I've tried i just can't get away from the past, I can't get away from it. my step dad still does things and my ex still comes over. I can't take it anymore.
    Last edited by a moderator: May 25, 2008
  6. innocencexisxlove

    innocencexisxlove Well-Known Member

    i know it's hard to deal with the past.. i myself haven't been able to bring my core reason for why my life is hell up in therapy.

    i listen to the sad songs most of all songs.. it just.. kind of calms you sometimes. or it makes you cry those need to be cried tears.

    i totally feel where you're comming from. i felt like this just last night.. but i made it through. i don't know you, but we all care about you here. i don't exactly whats happened to you, but i'm sure you can get through it. as unlikely as it probably seems right now.

    if you need to talk to me, just send me a PM.
    i'll talk to you at anytime. about anything. whatever is on your mind. i'll listen*well read*and give you the best advice i can give. i know we all need someone to talk to.. and sometimes, a stranger is the best.*as weird as it sounds*

    *Seriously-->drop me a PM. I'd love to hear from you*
    Last edited by a moderator: May 25, 2008
  7. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    I know that listening to the sad songs can feel comforting, yet they also can deepen the sadness. Try to do something to lift you out of this dark place. Don't listen to songs depicting suicide or sad things that bring back memories. Play more uplifting things instead. Make yourself write down the happy times, no matter how deep you have to look. Continue on with counseling, but you are going to have to open up about the past or no matter how good the counselor is, they will not be able to help. i know on paper this all looks easy, but in life it is some of the hardest things you will ever do. If you want to heal, you have to be willing to do the work necessary in order to achieve it, no matter how difficult it is. You also need to try and remove yourself from this abusive situation. It is hard to put things behind you when the issues are still a danger.
  8. lost_child

    lost_child Well-Known Member

    there is so much on my mind that i never know where to start, or what else might happen...when you talk bad things always happen, always. How can i live in silence, but too scared to talk, to worried that I will be judged, to embrassed of my life if that's what its called.

    I just want my life over, i want it over. if I didn't I wouldn't keep thinking of death, of how to end my life, knowing that life will be better without me in it. I'm tired of living this life. i'm sorry, I always complain I'm just not happy and can't remember the last time i was. sorry. i'm not sure how to PM, i cna't remember...seeing i'm thick as well. sorry
  9. lost_child

    lost_child Well-Known Member

    I can't remember any happy times. I keep trying to remember a time but I can't, all i can remember is things that have happened, flashbacks are getting worse, alters are shouting louder and screaming more. i have tried to talk in counselling, and my counsellor is understanding its just everytime I try to talk someone takes over and all that happens is silence or getting arguementative.

    I have tried to get away, i've bene trying to move from the area i live for months but everything is going wrong..nothing I seem to do works. i try, and try and try and something always goes wrong. sorry. i'm such a miserable sad pathetic thing. sorry
  10. emilykatie101

    emilykatie101 Well-Known Member

    It might help to start talking about the past.
    Whenever I have to say something that makes me uncomfortable I
    write it down and then hand it to my therapist. Or I email it.
    Keep trying to talk to your counselor and maybe your counselor can help you
    come up with solutions to help you get away from your step dad and ex.
    Ground yourself before an appointment, it helps me.
  11. Gunner12

    Gunner12 Well-Known Member

    The thing about an empty shell is that you can fill it.

    You might feel empty but there is always something in there and there is always place to expand or fill.

    Things will go wrong, but things will also turn out right.
  12. lost_child

    lost_child Well-Known Member

    I got in touch with my counsellor and a friend (I didn't admit how I feeling completely) but it did help for a little while, I'm still not sure how much longer I have here as the thoughts of suicide are persitant, I can a day and then thhoughts come back, i start planning to kill myself, i take pills, and then wake feeling like I've been hit over the head and a feeling worse then any hangover. I wish the feelings would go away, I really do. i'm sorry that all i do is complain sorry
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